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Top Ten Things Beneath Bridezilla
1) DIY-anything. Bridezilla says, why do what you can delegate?
2) Synchronized dances. A la tuhuelpa legria macarena? Only in Cancun baby! If we wanted to dance to the YMCA all night, we'd crash our gay nephew's prom in drag (whee, we love doing that anyway).
3) Pun-induced wedding favors. Bridezilla would never harass her guests with "perfect pair" pears or "love is sweet" Jordan almonds. That's just sick!
4) Holiday Weddings. Bridezilla would never be that inconsiderate to her guests - nor would she ever allow her groom to get away with a two-for-one anniversary date! What is that, marriage by Mcdonalds?
5) Chain store wedding gowns. Hey, if the devil wore Prada, bridezilla wears Vera. In other words, if it's not couture, its not ko-sher. There is no point in paying good money for a wedding gown that is not even custom fit to hide your wobbly bits, especially when everyone else in these extra-value-esque stores are college age brides on a shoestring budget wearing the same dress as you. Pass!
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#10
Bridezilla Must-Have #10.A hot designer oversized tote. Why? Because Bridezilla knows name brands are scientifically proven to boost self confidence and chase away bridal blues! These bags are perfect for looking chic on the street, storing your massive wedding portfolio, your faithful pup Lola, and cramming truffles in your purse during your next meeting with your wedding planner. Yummy!
We like this one by Valentino because its bridal without being barfworthy:
Want to charge it to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#9
Bridezilla Must-Have #9.An awesome pair of over sized sunglasses. Sure, the scrawny granola twins at your yoga class can gossip about your hangover, but they can't actually prove anything. Keep those hobo bags under your eyes hidden with a sweet pair of shades. Also good for discreetly checking out male eye candy when china shopping with the groom. Tee hee.
We're a little over the whole Jackie O racoon look though, so why not rock these Ray-bans instead? We think they're sexZee.
Want to charge these to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#8
Bridezilla Must-Have #8.Soothing eye mask. No bridezilla can live without good beauty sleep, and with all the incessant yammering of in-laws, Groomie Dearest, and your well-intentioned friends reverberating in your head each night, it can be hard for even a zilla like yourself to catch a few z's. A soothing eye mask does wonders for calming your wedding stress and helping you get the deep, restful sleep a diva of your caliber deserves.
Of course eye masks are a dime a dozen, but spare yourself the airplane variety and invest in this downright decadent caviar eye veil from La Prairie. Bridezilla + Beluga=match made in heaven.
Want to charge this to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#7
Bridezilla Must-Have #7.An exceptional body scrub. A wise bridezilla once said, you can catch more flies with vanilla-mango-sugar-almond scrub than with vinegar. We couldn't agree more! A delicious body scrub is the perfect way to gently woo yourself awake in the morning, and ensure your intoxicating scent helps you get your way all day. Read on to see Miss B's preferred potency....
We like this scrub from our of our fave scent lines Fresh:
Want to charge this to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#6
Bridezilla Must-Have #6. One knockout pair of heels. In truth, nothing makes bridezillas feel more confident than some sensational foot fashion. Much like our godzilla godmothers, we brazen brides know the value of leverage aka a good pair of stilettos-all the better to stomp a small city or score a sample sale discount with! Stand taller, stroll sexier, and make your calves look curvier with a traffic-stopping pair of stilettos like these below. Just strap on for instant confidence.
We love this pair by Betsey Johnson. Haute house-on-the-prairie? So Bridezilla!
Want to charge them to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#5
Bridezilla Must-Have #5 A Blue Tooth Headset. We at bridezilla believe in grabbing technology by the ear and making it our minion. The Blue Tooth headset is no exception. These things are amazing! Bridezillas everywhere, invest in one and keep your hands free for latte sipping, wedding catalog browsing, and driving while doing your makeup, all while keeping your manicure unmarred. Perfection!
Want to charge this on your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#4
Bridezilla Must-Have #4. Spanx. Possibly the most amazing invention of the 21st century, spanx are like spandex, but for brides and other bulgy women instead of hard-bodied eighties athletes. Anyways, they are less constricting than corsets and more seamless than a thong, but they literally make you look at least a size smaller, no starving yourself or 6 a.m. spinning classes needed. Plus, you can wear them under everything! These sleek slimmers are a must for your wedding day and beyond.
We like these ones in white:
Want to charge these to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#3
Bridezilla Must-Have #3 Essential Bride Literature. Forget all the "Best Bridal Bargains" and "Dirt Poor Wedding Planning" propaganda. Those are for less blessed and beautiful brides and have nothing to do with you! Bridezillas only need one book to make sure their bridal bidding is completed: Grace Kelly: Icon of Style to Royal Bride. This fabulous book explains how Kelly's amazing style rocketed her to box office fame, and eventually caught her the eye of a bonafide prince! When your Groomie-to-be is giving you grief about the loads of money you've spent on the wedding, just cite this hard-nosed literary source as an example of how you could be doing so much worse - and anyway, doesn't he think you deserve to be treated like the princess you truly are? Plus there are tons of great tips on how to have a bona fide bridezilla princess wedding. Brilliant bubble bath reading!
Want to charge this to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Tom Cruise: Bridezilla of All Time
Short Man Syndrome rears its head, wedding style! When it comes to bridezilla behavior unleashed, no one can compete with Tiny Tom Cruise, our Bridezilla of All Time!
No small achievement, the Bridezilla of All Time award goes only to the most obsessive, the most overbearing, the most controlling 'Zilla you could imagine, and that description fits Tom Cruise to a (hee hee) T. From insisting she change her name from sweet, girlish Katie to Kate, to allegedly digging a hole for his bride to stand in so they'd be the same height in their wedding photos, Cruise has reached levels of Bridezilla behavior that average Bridezillas like us can hardly even fathom.
From his pre-wedding couch-jumping shenanigans with Oprah (the average Bridezilla frowns on furniture footprints) to his Eiffel Tower marriage proposal (uggh, so postcard), Cruise takes the platinum ring in every category.
A prime example of a Bridezilla gone overboard, Tom's control issues made themselves obvious from the first date to now, with the most disturbing of Bridezilla behaviors in between. Read on about the cringe-worthy courtship of TomKat, notably one of the most unfortunate portmanteaus of all time.
Of course, nothing says "i adore you" like starting your courtship with a contract! Combining last names we understand, but first names too? Let a girl keep at least some autonomy-or at least let her come first in the name for once (we're looking at you, Brangelina)! The sixteen year age difference raised enough eyebrows, and allegations ensued that Katie had been chosen from a passel of young potential Mrs. Cruises and locked into a five year contract guaranteeing she'd be with Tom for five years and give him one child. Admit it, Bridezillas – picking your beau from a line of virile, willing specimens of boycandy isn't such an unattractive thought, but in theory, not in practice!
After steamrolling Katie's dreams of a small Catholic wedding in her hometown of Toledo, Ohio in favor of a Scientology ceremony in an Italian castle (okay, we'll grant him the superiority of the location), Tom took control of everything from the guestlist (not inviting Oprah? bad karma dude...) to the couture (Armani for all), Tom's obsessive-compulsive touch was on every aspect of this ostentatious affair.
Tom even fell victim to one thing most Bridezillas are strong enough to resist – stress-eating! Rumor has it that Giorgio Armani was furious at Tom's weight gain of nearly twenty pounds in the few months before the wedding. Alterations had to be made to Tom's tux, and he even had to wear a girdle to thin out his midsection so his jacket would fit correctly! Unimpressed, Tom – any Bridezilla worth her cocktail salt knows it's the man's duty just as much as the woman's to be svelte for the wedding day.
And that right there is Tommy's trouble- usurping the role of Bridezilla that was rightfully Katie's and taking it for himself! Not only did he take over the wedding plans, he took over Katie herself. Creepy! Short guys may try harder, but Tom Cruise is proof that's not always a good thing.
Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#2
Bridezilla Must-Have #2. A Right Hand Ring. While it is true bridezillas do often marry billionaires because we are so unusually beautiful and exceptional, we are by no means gold diggers. On the contrary, bridezillas' fierce fashion sense is matched only by our fierce independence. Hence our number two pick for bridezilla booty, the right hand ring! Right hand rings are a raging hot trend right now, and we adore it. Self-love is a founding bridezilla principal, so why not show your inner admiration with some bright bling you bought yourself?
We like this ring because it is classic and regal, much like Bridezilla herself!
Want to charge this item to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
The Bridezilla Guide to De-Stressing
It's not easy being Bridezilla! From the scheduled-to-the-bathroom- break calendar to your bipolar bridesmaids, what's a Bridezilla to do? The shooting range may prove wickedly soothing, but the best Bridezillas arrive at the altar free of disorderly conduct charges and refreshed and ready for their vows. Here are a few tips on how to soothe Bridezillas on the brink.
Continue Reading The Bridezilla Guide to De-Stressing »Top Ten Things Every Bridezilla Needs-#1
Bridezilla Must-Have #1. This BCBG dress. This fabulous dress is literally indispensable for any bride and especially bridezillas. Gorgeous, flowy, chic and the ideal blurred line between formal and semi-formal, this uber-fashionable frock is perfect for a rehearsal dinner dress, a reception dress, or even a wedding dress. Bridezilla bonus tip: this would make a great destination wedding dress because it is naturally crinkly so you wouldn't have to worry too much about steaming it or anything. Buy it because you can literally wear it for ever.
Want to charge this to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
Here Comes The Bridezilla!
According to Philosophy, "the first rule of marriage is to marry yourself before you ever marry someone else." Bridezilla agrees! Philosophy's Here Comes The Bride Kit is packed with products that'll pamper you just like you deserve, so you're putting your best face forward as you walk down the aisle. Bridezillas won't accept any less!
Want to charge this to your fiance's credit card? Click here.
The Bridezilla Hall of Fame: The Most Misunderstood Brides of All Times
Photos of the Bridal Boudoir: Fierce or Too Far?
Via GodawfulWeddingCrap.com, we have been informed of a brand new horror storming the Bridezilla nation. Known as "anticipation photo shoots" or the slightly more straightforward "bridal boudoir photography," we think this tasteless sensation is a scandal waiting to happen for any girl that tries it.
Sure, it sounds nice in theory - a portfolio of elegant photographs for your future husband's eyes only - but until Ellen von Unwerth starts shooting brides, it's going to lack that necessary element of class that's key to a bridezilla's image maintenance. Bridezillas never go under the lens without assurance that every inch is picture-perfect, or it'll be professionally Photoshopped until it appears to be. Until we find a photographer that meets our exacting standards, we'll be keeping our gowns on, thank you! Plus, we have scrutinized many such photo shoots in our research and can assure you this is not your Annie Leibovitz break-out moment. Rather, the results are somewhere between Glamour Shots and Girls Gone Wild. Shudder! Plus, paying to have someone take pictures of you naked-ish? Seems a bit pathetic...
What do you think? Had a good boudoir photography experience you want to share? Want to express your horror at the very idea? Let us know here and in comments.
Photo courtesy Cape Fear Wedding.
Tom Cruise wins Coveted "Bridezilla of all Time" Title
Short Man Syndrome rears its head, wedding style! When it comes to bridezilla behavior unleashed, no one can compete with Tiny Tom Cruise, our Bridezilla of All Time!
No small achievement, the Bridezilla of All Time award goes only to the most obsessive, the most overbearing, the most controlling 'Zilla you could imagine, and that description fits Tom Cruise to a (hee hee) T. From insisting she change her name from sweet, girlish Katie to Kate, to allegedly digging a hole for his bride to stand in so they'd be the same height in their wedding photos, Cruise has reached levels of Bridezilla behavior that average Bridezillas like us can hardly even fathom. Short guys may try harder, but Tom Cruise is proof that's not always a good thing!
The Bridezilla Guide to Bouncing Back from a Broken Engagement
One thing that both pains and puzzles Bridezilla is the way people treat canceled weddings with a level of sorrow more worthy of wakes. Bridezilla says "Congrats on crisis averted!" Marrying the wrong guy is never fabulous - and avoiding doing so is cause for celebration, not consternation.
On that note, here's a guide to bouncing back from your broken engagement, bridezilla-style. Hint: no canceling reception necessary!
Top Ten Signs you are too young to get married
One of Bridezilla's pet peeves is brides getting married while they are still wee fledgling zillas who've yet to taste the pleasures of life as independent ladies of the world. Yet, in the course of our own wedding planning, we are instantly irked to see teeny-tiny brides running around the wedding shops, acting like they are planning proms with their posse of stick figure friends. Despite being completely prepubescent and totally unready to make such a serious decision, we see these wee precious moments people, these cake-toppers-come-to-life proceed to dopplegang us through the mature serenity of our own wedding planning process. Well, we don't like it. Thus, Bridezilla has put together ten ways to tell if you are too young to get married. They're surprisingly simple, so why not read on?!
Continue Reading Top Ten Signs you are too young to get married »Bridezilla Q & A with Bridal Guide Expert
Q: Hi, my name is Alicia and I am getting married on August 25th, 2007 at 5 p.m. So far it has been good, but all my bridesmaids and fiance think I'm controlling and I am a mess. They said I want everything my way. That's true. I want a nice wedding. Technically I just need them to follow rules: no one can get pregnant or fatter than they are currently before my wedding, and everyone has to have their hair the way I want. I want them to have their nails the same way. Everything has to be uniform and done in a proper manner. Is that too much to ask for?
Alicia, Bewildered Bridezilla
A: "The best bridezillas know how to control their wedding to end up with the vision they want without alienating their friends and family. Rather than issue obvious commands, take the subtle approach to get the same results. For example, if you want your bridesmaids to have matching manicures-take them out for a bridal team mani a day or two before the wedding instead of doing a traditional bridesmaids luncheon. Hair is very personal, so pick a general hair "look" (sleek and polished, loose and carefree, whatever) rather than a specific style, or perhaps designate identical hair accessories that they can then use how they like. Generally uniform is good, Stepford bridesmaids is not. Want to encourage them to stay the same size? Get a move on, get the dresses fitted and be done with it. They'll automatically strive to fit the dress they already have. The only thing even a top bridezilla can't control is family planning. You can ask someone not to walk down the aisle if you must, but you can't tell 'em not to procreate," said Lisa Dickens, Bridal Guide Magazine.
For other tough wedding planning and etiquette issues, check out www.bridalguide.com.
Diamonds aren't the only things that last forever
He'll never be able to take this one off! Now that you've got him in your net, keep him there and add a punk rock spin to your nuptials with tattooed wedding rings. That's right - and trust us, ladies, this is the only time we'd encourage you away from a girl's blue-boxed best friend - rather than spending that two months' salary on a bright and shiny bauble, make the ultimate commitment with ink!
Continue Reading Diamonds aren't the only things that last forever »Bridezilla Responds to Groom Groove "Dealing With Bridezilla"
Well, well, what have we here? It seems the boys over at Groom Groove have been busy-busy forming opinions about Bridezilla in a recent article. In it, they refer to our bridal breed as "irritable, accusatory, dismissive, irrational, and demanding." Ouch! You fellas kiss your fiance's with those mouths?
Continue Reading Bridezilla Responds to Groom Groove "Dealing With Bridezilla" »Bridezilla Climbs the Space Needle - Not Really
Calling all local ladies! Up here in Bridezilla's Seattle headquarters, it's cloudy with a chance of June weddings, and we want our fellow Seattleite bridezillas to be as well-suited as the competition. Imagine how pleased we were to wake up to today's DailyCandy Seattle feature: Slippery When Wed, a sweet guide to all local lovelies that can help you put together a show-stopping wedding whether your wedding vision is organic earth-friendly green or just dependant on piles of dead president green.
Sure, they're a little judgmental toward our bridezilla selves ("Crazy-talking?" We say one lady's madness is another lady's focus), but their tips are worth a listen for Pacific Northwest brides. From cupcakes to couture, they've got this corner covered. Still missing the perfect bouquet? Get thee to Market - Pike Place, that is.
We love DailyCandy, because they give us our morning fix of neighborhood goodness. What sites do you love for tips like this?
Photo courtesy Andre Maier.
Momzillas: Bridezilla's Pick for Perfect Mother's Day Gift
What do you get when you combine Bridezillas and Bugaboos? The answer is Momzillas, the fantastic new offering from Jill Kargman, co-author of "Wolves in Chic Clothing" and "The Right Address."This book is the perfect mother's day gift for the yummy mummy in your life, or anyone looking for good bubble bath reading!
March 2007 is the previous archive.
May 2007 is the next archive.
