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« April 2008 | Main | June 2008 »
Six Wedding Vows to Make to Yourself
Due to our overwhelming response to the post "Domestic Policy: Are Dreams the New Dowry," Bridezilla presents this follow-up article called "Wedding Vows to Make to Yourself." The theory here is that while many women may have a hard time stomaching the thought of expressing their deepest dreams and thoughts with decisive firmness to their spouse, most brides do understand the intense, sacred nature of vows and how once you say them, they must be upheld. On that note, before you go down the aisle and pledge love and loyalty to your partner, make these vows to yourself first! We promise you will be a happier, healthier bride until death do you part!
6 Vow to make a list of your Three Inalienables.
Can't stomach the thought of moving to Albuquerque? Loathe cats? Don't want kids,ever? Make a list of the three most important things to you in a marriage, and vow never to have them be part of your life. Keep the list handy for when a big post-marriage decision comes up and you need a good ole' "sense of self" check. It's true that marriage is about picking your battles, and by protecting the things that are most important to you, you will feel like you are still in control of you life-with the added bonus of a loving mate!
5 Vow to get comfortable with ultimatums.
Ultimatums are very underrated! Guys use them all the time. (Enter the typical "romantic" scenario in which the wounded bachelor leaves saying "I love you, but this is who I am." or demands "I have to be with you. Leave the job behind and move to Brooklyn with me." When you think about it, much romantic language is basically just ultimatums, so don't think of them as the deathknell of your relationship. If something your partner is asking you to do breaks one of your personal codes of is really going to rock your world in a negative way, say no! Do not just "get over it." Men are happier in marriages because they don't have the whole guilt complex of having to make the other person happy. They understand that by making themselves happy, they are better partners. Women need to realize this as well!
4 Vow to hold yourself accountable to your dreams.
Don't let those grad schools dreams taper off into a GED just because you got married! That is such a cliche. With two incomes and increased emotional support, you should be more equipped to accomplish your life goals than ever. Talk about the big dreams you have for your life, openly and often, so that others will hold you accountable to achieving them. Make a "DreamMap" and mount it on your wall. Talk to your bridesmaids at the wedding and have them solemnly swear to pester you monthly about that vineyard you wanted to buy or that bicycle tour of France you wanted to train for. Whatever you have to do to make sure you are personally fulfilled (and incidentally a great wife!).
3 Vow to have girlfriends.
We all know those sad souls whose "social life" consists of their husband's business colleagues and their couple friends. This does not an egalitarian marriage make! Girlfriends keep you in line, let you know when you are going way overboard (think SATC's Carrie talking Miranda out of frosting Steve's girlfriend's cupcakes) and give you someone to giggle with over sex gone awry. Girlfriends are a shrewd and necessary barometer for any egalitarian marriage, helping you know when to scream with laughter over brunch or scream and call the divorce lawyer. Get some and keep 'em!2 Vow to amuse yourself.
The ability to delight, inspire and provoke yourself into cackling gales of glee is an essential skill that will serve you well during the dry patches of marriage, not to mention when you have children. Groomzilla often comes home to find Miss B sagged against the wall wiping her tears of laughter over some private amusement, to his quizzical terror.The point is of course, that you are responsible for your own happiness, even after you are married. A rich Inner Life is something every wise wife must master!
1 Vow to accept help from your hubby.
You do have to be accountable for your own dreams and values. You do not have to do everything. If your Groomzilla has a passion for real estate and you don't, let him handle the house hunting. If he's the superior cook and you're better at balancing the budget, embrace it! That's the beauty of marriage, so do what works for you and don't worry about gender roles or "doing it all."Should Carrie Marry Big...And other Monday Bridezilla Bites
Sangria. Citronelle candles. Spanx. Tis the season of summer weddings, and the always-brilliant She Finds has a fab round-up of fashionable wedding wear. What we love most about She Finds is their dedication to figure-friendly attire, so click here to see the swoon-worthy Betsey Johnson perfect for balmy summer evenings.
Mother's Day has come and gone, but it is still worth reading this beautiful tribute written by a daughter going through wedding planning without her deceased mother. This Modern Love article really makes you realize how much of a mother-daughter bonding experience wedding planning is, and might make you a little more patient the next time your Momzilla utters the unfailingly annoying "Are you sure...."
Brides.com's Wedding Bits has 3 Burning Questions regarding the upcoming Sex and the City movie. Take the poll here:
For the record, Bridezilla believes the film would be strongest if Carrie stayed single, and we certainly don't think she should get back together with that passive-aggressive chicken-wing-eater carpenter who replaced her the second she said "I don't." Help us sway the tide, Bridezillas! Ahem. We mean, of course you are welcome to your own unbiased opinion.
Chasing Harry Winston: The Watered-Down Cosmopolitan of Chick Lit
Touted by the publisher marketing department as "Sex and the City-eque", it turns out that is a very accurate description of Chasing Harry Winston, Lauren Weisberger's newest offering to the literary world and follow up novel to her major best seller The Devil Wears Prada. As someone who devoured The Devil Wears Prada the first time and then went back for second and third helpings over the years, you could definitely say I am a fan of Ms. Weisberger’s work.
Unfortunately Chasing Harry Winston hits a little too close to Sex and the City (SATC) for this reader. The three main characters can be drawn directly to the cast of SATC, minus Carrie Bradshaw (and who wants a SATC that's minus Carrie Bradshaw?) The result is a pretty formulaic and predictable story line. There were bright spots of banter, bonding and some downright sensible advice for the capturing and releasing of menzzzz, but overall this novel falls right into the marketing department's promotional "Beach Read of 2008" to be forgotten about come September.
Overall the novel is a fast read, designer names sprinkled in here and there to give it that glamorous feel and while I do heart SATC, seeing a diluted version of it print is like drinking a watered-down cosmopolitan. However, it delivers what it promises, young Manhattanites trying to make the most of who they are and what they have to give, leaning on each other for support and learning to be happy for one another. Bonus points for a cover that couldn't be more Bridezilla if it tried!
7 Pick-Up Lines that Reveal He's Not Groomzilla Material
1) "I'm my own boss." When a fledgling Bridezilla hears this, her mind may be flooded by images of CEO's, software entrepreneurs, and other presidential brass. Wrong! No CEO would ever use this expression. He would say "I own my own company." A subtle distinction, but a huge one. "I'm my own boss" is the universal code for all drug dealers, magazine subscription salesmen, Cutco knife dealers, and other unsavories. If you hear a feller utter these words, flee, and find someone who is adult enough to handle authority-specifically, yours, when you become his wife.
2) "I don't like plastic." Translation: "I do not have a checking account." No matter what altruistic principles or identity theft horror stories he presents to support the fact that he only carries cash, having no bank account is simply subversive behavior that hints at shady doings. He is either a fugitive from the law or has amazingly bad credit, or is far too eccentric to consider something as conventional as marriage. Regardless, when his two month's salary comes in crumpled ones out of his glove compartment, head for the hills.
3) "Drama!" Any guy who uses this expression to refer to anything other than his favorite King Lear reenactment is an evil player who must be avoided. Such cretins use this phrase as a way to make girls feel ashamed for complaining about things like checking out your sister/mother/daughter or arriving three days late for dates. The second a guy tells you that you are being a "drama queen," head for the door. He's not the one, hon.
4) *Forgoes speech in favor of abrupt grinding of your knee on dance floor.* While this is sadly a common practice, even in today's modern "hook-up" culture, chemistry cannot outweigh chivalry. Such grinders generally also have a disconcerting lack of rhythm and zero conversational skills, all unacceptable qualities in a mate. Swat him down like a dog and move on.
5) "My friend dared me to come over and talk to you." Not only is this horribly transparent and unoriginal, it shows he is still stuck in the frat boy mentality of succumbing to peer pressure. Unless Old School is your idea of a love story, avoid him. Otherwise you will be dodging his homo-erotic homies and horrible beer-spattered living conditions for as long as you both shall live. You need a real man who speaks for himself.
6) "My friend thinks your hot but I told him you aren't." Such reverse psychology is so Swingers-tired we really have no patience for it in this day and age. This is the same guy who gets drunk and spews venom about how "nice guys never get the chick" and you have to "be a jerk to get laid." Emotional abuse has gone the way of S & M in terms of foreplay. It may have been a perverse turn-on at one point, but now you're tired of it. If one of these losers approaches you, tell him you've seen that movie too and keep moving.
7) "Can I have cigarette/lighter, bite of what you're eating?" Sadly, Bridezilla has seen variations of this pick-up line increase in popularity. We call it the Kevin Federline syndrome. Rather than buying you a drink or perhaps a rose from a nearby street vendor, this stray dog of a dude figures he can strike up a conversation with you by asking you for a favor. This is all wrong, and must not be tolerated. If you give him a cigarette now, he'll be sleeping on your couch in a week, and borrowing money in a month. Walk away!
Further Reference:
Marriages also do not spark from any variation of the following:
Any version of hand-holding fortune telling.
Any version of having to call his mother.
Any version of just breaking up with someone.
April 2008 is the previous archive.
June 2008 is the next archive.
