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« December 2008 | Main | February 2009 »
The Wedding Announcement of Bridezilla Herself!
Beloved Readers,
That's right! After two years of responsible (nonsensical) bridal blogging based on reliable sources (gossip) and intensive research (happy hours) Bridezilla will officially be offering her very own up-close-and-personal account of the wedding planning process-because she just got engaged Yes, engaged! * ecstatic jumping, shrill giggles*
Ahem. As we all know, it's no easy feat for a Bridezilla* (woman of outspoken opinions, cruel-hearted wit, and hyperventilating mood swings) to find a truly stellar feller to love her through it all. But Bridezilla.com was founded on the belief that it is possible-and it is. To hear how I snagged the very best Groomzilla of all (using tried-and-true Bridezilla tactics of course) read on....
Bridezilla and Groomzilla:
Jade Nirvana Ingmire and Branden Root
The Proposal: My Bridezilla transformation took place around 9 p.m. on New Year's Eve 2008. Branden and I had just checked in to our penthouse suite at Seattle's Fairmont Olympic Hotel. Looking back, my soon-to-be Groomzilla did seem unusually snuggly, but I was too busy prowling the hotel room's amenities (french doors! Dean and Deluca chocolate bars!) to be suspicious.
The moment came with a bent knee and a sharp indrawn breath. I turned around from checking out our panoramic city view to see Branden in full Groomzilla pose, with a big grin on his face and a little red ring box in his hand. I am pretty sure I looked like something out of Toon Town as my eyes zoomed out of my head when he said the words "Jade Nirvana Ingmire, will you marry me?"
I was shaking so hard but I managed a "yes." His eyes teared up but I was too shocked to cry. I never knew getting engaged was such a physical experience, but I was barely thinking anything as pure happiness flooded my entire body. I literally thought I was going to buckle over.Even if I hadn't known before that I wanted to marry Branden (which I did) my body's pure euphoria in that moment would have swept away any doubt.
The Engagement After-Party: After the deal was sealed we went down to our friend's suite with champagne and strawberries to share the good news. That went something like this:
Bridezilla Bonus Features
- The special hand-painted champagne flutes my mom got us.
- Having the piano player serenade us to Billy Joel's "I love you just the way you are."
- A front row seat for the gorgeous Space Needle fireworks.
- Finding out B asked my parents for my hand on Christmas day.
How I know He's the One: A master of diplomacy, Branden proposed with his grandma's ring so that he wouldn't pop the question empty-handed, but I would still be able to pick out my own ring later, in true Bridezilla fashion. Swoon!
Bridezilla Ballot: Where do you get your best wedding planning inspiration?
As you know, I've been engaged for approximately 5 days 12 hours 46 minutes, which in Bridezilla years means just enough time to exhaustively comb the entire blogosphere and beyond for juicy wedding ideas. Sure we run a bridal blog for a living, but I'm not leaving any stone, gem or jewel uncovered when it comes to planning my wedding, so I had to see what was out there.
And I have to say, the results have been pretty surprising. Normally I believe that in the modern age, shopping is best done in your bathrobe ( a cute one though, not a ratty one). I firmly feel that Shop Style, Amazon and Etsy are a girl's second-best friend. But when it comes to wedding planning, the internet seems so saturated with hit-and-miss material that I have actually turned instead to the dog-eared confidante of my tear-stained teen years-glossy magazines.
It seems to me that glossy bridal magazines do the hard work of honing through all the internet garbage to find the very best stuff a Bridezilla needs. In magazines like InStyle Weddings and Modern Bride, I found a treasure trove of gorgeously-arrayed information and really appreciated not having to weed through a bunch of link farms and parked pages to find what I was looking for. (We also have yet to venture into any bridal forums, for fear of never, ever coming up for air. But, are these a good resource? Do tell! )
Even the local directories of wedding services, such as The Knot and MyWedding I found disappointing. I don't need someone to notify me there are sixty-three bridal shops in Seattle. I know there are sixty-three bridal shops in Seattle-that is my problem! Sure a directory is a round-up of wedding services, but I'm a busy Bridezilla so I really can't be bothered weeding through every florist and fireman stripper in town-I need the best of the best at my fingertips. That's where bridal magazines have saved the day. On the downside, our condo looks like a recycling center. Oh well:)
Other than that, my most valuable resources have been my Bridezilla besties. But even then, this is mostly in terms of happiness and support, because when it comes to wedding planning, a Bridezilla's preferences are so personal, it's much harder to go by than the tried-and-true friend referrals you rely on so faithfully for nail polish recs and Netflix queue updates.
So, I'm curious, am I alone? Where do you find your best wedding planning information? Take our poll below, and then please list specific sites, magazines, blogs etc in the comments. Thanks luvies!
Bridezilla Tips for the Groom: Never, Ever Buy These Groomsmen Gifts
Bridezilla note: The following article has been guest-submitted by writer and former groomzilla Ian Lurie who has helped http://www.Groomstand.com sell groomsmen gifts since 2002. Pass it along to your groom as advice on what not to buy.
Groomsmen gifts are often the lowest priority, and that's OK. Your groomsmen appreciate the thought, and probably won't keep the gifts for very long. Just avoid buying gifts that will sear themselves into the memory of every groomsman as the Worst Gift They Ever Got. Read this list for the 10 worst the author's ever seen.
10 Groomsmen Gifts You Should Never, Ever Buy
In the interest of saving you snide remarks during the wedding toast, the stink eye from your groomsmen's wives/girlfriends/significant others and at least 20 years' jokes at reunions, here's my list of the worst.
I've spent 10 years helping wedding-related sites sell groomsmen gifts. I've seen some serious doozies. Whatever you do, do not give these items as groomsmen gifts:
10. Anything pink or pastel. I shouldn't have to explain, but apparently I do. There are websites out there pushing pink stuff as groomsmen gifts. I saw at least one keychain groomsmen gift that might have LOOKED white in the picture, but was an undeniable shade of pink. Hopefully you know better, but just in case, DON'T BUY PINK STUFF.Continue Reading Bridezilla Tips for the Groom: Never, Ever Buy These Groomsmen Gifts »9. Soap. Groomsmen don't want soap. I don't want soap. Soap is something I buy at the grocery store.
8. Candles. Wow. Candles? Seriously? I'd rather get soap.
7. Money. A friend told me about a wedding where the groom handed out $20 bills. That's kinda neat, but it makes everyone uncomfortable. We're not going to your wedding to get paid.
6. Pictures. I'm torn on this one. A picture of the happy couple could be a nice gift. But somehow, it feels a little like going to England and being handed a picture of the Queen when you step off the plane: Crass. I'll pay my respects.
5. Stamps. I. Have. No. Idea. But someone really did give out collectors' stamps at their wedding. It you're a philatelist you may know the value of your gift. Your groomsmen will probably use their gifts to mail a check to their electric company.
4. Anything that melts. Nuff said.
3. Anything political. Yes, you really, really believe the Spotted Owl deserves saving. And cute fuzzy little owl chicks thank you, even if the lumberjacks don't. But making a donation in someone else's name to a highly political organization makes for crappy groomsmen gifts.
2. Gift cards. If cash is bad, gift cards are worse. Nothing says "Damn, I forgot about you guys until 2 hours before the wedding!" like a gift card.
1. Porn, or anything that might pass for it. Our winner! No matter how funny it seems at the time, a video of bachelor party hijinx between some guy named Biff Tiggler and 10 overly-endowed strippers who are inexplicably drawn to our hero is the worst groomsmen gift possible. It pisses off the girlfriend/wife, embarrasses most guys, and generally taints the entire memory of your wedding with an air of Texas whorehouse.
Budget Bridezilla: Flashy Rhinestone Disposable Cameras
Even in the age of digital doodads and wireless what-nots, there is still something giddily fun about the flash of a disposable camera and the accompanying glee of going to pick up developed film. Call us old-fashioned, but Bridezilla wants to bring back the good-old disposable camera-with a new twist of course.
Luckily for us, disposable cameras have undergone attractive makeovers in the past few years. Bridezillas everywhere sigh in relief as we trade the ugly duckling cardboard versions for this swan-like and shiny substitute: the rhinestone disposable camera.
With a camera as hot as this, you could use these cameras for wedding favors, bachelorette party props, or reception table centerpieces-whatever your little heart desires. And at $60 for a set of ten, these cameras are perfect for budget Bridezillas. Mall photo cashiers beware: Bridezilla declares the return of the disposable wedding camera. Say Brie Cheese!
Bridezilla Ballot: What's your engagement ring's story?
As many of you may know, I'm not only a Bridezilla, I'm also a bookworm-writer. So as much as I love a big shiny engagement rock, I'm also a sucker for the story behind it. As a recently engaged Bridezilla, I thought the moment my future groom popped the ring on my finger was the most special moment of my life. But there was even more magic to come-like getting to hear my future Groomzilla's grandma tell the story of the ring.
Here's what she had to say:
"Glad the ring fits and you can put it to good use. For my 18th birthday, Nov. 22, 1950, my father gave me the diamond, that had been in his family for years. My mom picked out a pretty gold setting. When I fell in love with my tall, handsome Marine jet pilot and we decided to marry, I gave him my ring in Nov. of 1953, and he had it reset, in town near the base, in N.C. When he drove back from N.C, to get me at my home in Missouri, on January 14th, 1954, he showed me what he had chosen and I loved it. He put it on my finger, at the altar, Sat. Jan. 16th. 55 yrs. ago. My mind is so clear thinking back. I was 21 & Don 23. Lots of happy memories. "
Thanks Grandma Carlota! Needless to say, though I loved the sparkle and shine of the ring, hearing the history and the sentiment steeped behind the diamond made it all the more special. Does your engagement ring have a story? Please share in the comments below!
Monday Bridezilla Bites
According to The Telegraph, the bitter awfulness of the movie Bride Wars may finally signify the end of "catfight comedy." Bridezilla agrees! This genre piqued with "Mean Girls." Remember, as Bridezilla.com explicitly shows, there's no point in being a bitch unless you're also hilarious. Hilarious, we tell you!
In some of the nerdiest nuptial news of all time, two tweeting lovebirds got engaged via Twitter. Bridezilla says: the internet is for porn, not marriage proposals! Keep it out of cyberspace, you crazy kids!
For budget Bridezillas, here is a great round-up on how to recession-proof your wedding. Number six is particularly brilliant! Repeat after us: dead stock.
The Fergalicious Stacy "Fergie" Fergueson (nee Duhamal) wed hunky Josh Duhamal this weekend in Malibu. Bridezilla details include ten bridesmaids, 375 guests, a Dolce & Gabanna gown, a million dollar one-of-a-kind diamond veil, and the refusal to allow guests to bring a date unless they were engaged or married (ouch.) The very best part though: She invited Carlton! Yes, that one! We wonder if he did The Carlton.....omg, we are choking just thinking about it. Choking!
Back Fat Be Gone! Bridezilla Test Drives the Unbelievabra
Fellow bridezillas: there's nothing uglier than back fat muffing-topping out of a wedding gown. Bridezilla believes women should embrace their curves. But back cleavage and a strapless dress looks like a half-eaten tube of cookie dough. Luckily, we found a cure-all for back fat before it oozes out of a bra near you.
J-Lo, Say it Ain't So
Back fat is stubborn. Even celebs with the best personal trainers can't get rid of it. Take J Lo, who recently came under back-fat fire for a few post-baby and possibly post-break up bulges. Poor JLo! We blame whoever picked that revealing gown. It was too late for her, but we found something that can save the rest of you.
Ta Da: Bridezilla Brings You the Unbelievabra
So rarely does a product come around that we absolutely adore. One that makes us gush and tell all our friends. One that we wish we had six more of. Not to get all infomercial about it but Shapeez, the makers of the Unbelievabra completely changed our opinion of bras forever. The Unbelievabra's no-closure design eliminates unsightly back rolls and smooths out trouble areas. Similar to what Spankx does for shapely thighs, the Unbelievabra does for boobs and back fat.
Not only was the Unbelievabra a fantastic body shaper, it's super comfortable. And...best of all, the bra straps never fall down. We couldn't believe it either. Until bridezilla took this bra for a test drive. It made us feel five pounds lighter, more confident, and like we had better posture. We didn't have to adjust it once all day. Magic!
It currently comes in three styles: the Ultimate which gives you a tummy tuck look without life-threatening surgery, the Shortee, touted as the perfect t-shirt bra and the Mini, which gives support without the tummy shaping.
Abracada-bra, back fat be gone. Now if only we could find something to conceal our flabby sausage arms...
.
Reversible Tote Make Ravishing Mother of the Bride Gift
Let's face it, the mother of the bride really gets the shaft when it comes to giving her baby Bridezilla away. The dad gets all the glory of walking the bride down the aisle, plus the daddy/daughter dance, while the siblings, and even cousins, nieces and nephews, are often members of the wedding party.
It seems ridiculous that the long-suffering mumzillas get no official part in the wedding ceremony, especially after all the help they traditionally give during wedding planning. There must be some way to show some love to your Head Chief Spanx-Wrangler/Emotional Handkerchief.
While Bridezilla would certainly endorse an amendment to the sacred Laws Of Zilla sanctioning a spotlight role for Momzilla in the wedding party, there is still a good way to say thanks for all the behind-the-scenes sainthood your mom will surely display during your Bridezilla bouts. This darling polka dot bag is decked out with all the doodads and danglies only a momzilla could love, while still being fashionable and dignified enough to be seen with Bridezilla. Plus, it's a great place to stash hankies and eye makeup remover for next time you maul her with your Maybelline zombie eyes.
Like a chic upgrade to the bumper stickers of yore, this "Mother of the Bride" bag lets her display her beaming mommy pride, and get a little well-deserved glory for herself in the process. The true genius of this bag? It's reversible, so after the wedding day she can just turn it inside out and use it as a regular bag! Brilliant! When are they making reversible wedding dresses? Wooh, straight down to the Bridezilla lair for a business meeting...If you want to really make Momzilla melt, spring for the matching reversible "Bride" bag. Moment!
Bridezilla Spotting: Check out this wild Bridezilla Picture!
In honor of Bridezilla season starting again (December being the most popular engagement month) we are going to be showcasing candid Bridezilla shots of Bridezillas in the wild. Send us your most eye-bulging, teeth-clenching moments and get them featured on Bridezilla.com. Cathartic for you, comedic for others! Email zilla@bridezilla.com with subject "Bridezilla Picture."
Bridezilla Bonus Tip: Leave your caption ideas for this picture below!
Bridezilla Spotting 2: Check Out This Train Wreck
It's bridezilla season again and we're hunting for candid photos of bridezillas in their natural habitats. As shown below, a bridezilla depicted mid train wreck. Walk it off, fellow bridezilla!
Help us celebrate the opening of bridezilla season by sending us photos of your inner bridezilla unleashed. Any red-faced, fists-clenched moments of pure, unadulterated rage will do. Bonus if there's actually steam coming out of your ears. E-mail: zilla@bridezilla.com with subject "Bridezilla Picture" and your photo will be featured in an upcoming post.
We found this photo at Funny Wedding Photos. Got a funny caption? Comment below!
Bridezilla's Mad About this Bachelorette Party Game
As a wee zilla, Mad Libs were our thing. We played them on the bus. We played them with our third-grade crush. We played them at slumber parties, dreaming up stories about the boys we liked and the girls we hated. At recess, Mad Libs circled the playground and the game lasted all of two minutes before someone tried to slip in (gulp) a dirty word. If you're a fellow Mad Libber, good news: They're baack. With adorable pin-up cover art. And just in time for your bridezilla bachelorette party!
The rules are simple: one player asks you to blindly fill in the blanks of a story with random adjectives, nouns, and verbs. It's best played after bridezilla downs a couple of martinis. Hilarity ensues when you read the story out loud. Play Mad Libs en route to ladies' night. Or ditch the penis paraphernalia and give your bachelorette bash a retro twist.
Bridezilla Declares "Bouquet Chic" is Magnifique!
"I became a florist more through kismet than ambition." With such a thrilling Charles Dickins-esque beginning, you know "Bouquet Chic" by wedding florist Kimberly Aurora Kapur is going to deliver.
In fact, Kapur's book is a perfect bouquet of sparkling prose and spectacular photography. From how-to tips to history, one could easily spend a lazy afternoon getting lost in this lovely book.
By far the best thing about Bouquet Chic, though, is the stunning versatility. From pretty, to artsy, to natural and glamorous, there is no nosegay or cascade this wedding flowerista can't create with petal-deft precision. Not only is her style diverse, Kapur works in eclectic materials to give her wedding bouquets a totally edgy look. See if you can spot the seashells, ribbons, gems and more hidden in the wedding bouquets below:
With style like this, it's no surprise that Kapur started flower-arranging at age 15 (incidentally, this is the age Bridezilla first stomped on a carnation from a well-meaning suitor). If you need some floral inspiration, this book is a bargain of beauty at only $21.95. Bridezilla Bonus Tip: Resist the urge to try and inhale the pages.
Bridezilla 911: Stain on Your Wedding Day
You're dancing the chicken dance with Grandpa when a flying elbow knocks the glass out of his hand, splashing red wine all over your lily white Vera Wang. Why was Grandpa dancing with a drink? And why were you getting down to the chicken dance? Not important. Because you have only 30 seconds to remove the crimson stain from your couture dress. No time for tears: Blot bridezilla, blot you never have before.
Every bridezilla needs a back-up plan for drips, dribbles, and disasters. A stain not only ruins your dress, it leaves a mark of imperfection on the entire day. Hallak Cleaners, the chosen dry cleaners for Hermes, Gucci, and Chanel gave bridezilla a few tips. Here's what to do when faced with a stain-on-couture-dress scenario.
* First, pretend it's an ink-blot test and study the stain. Is it water-based or oil based? Not all stains are created equal.
*After you figure out what the stain is, it's time to find the antidote. Test the stain solution on a hidden area of your dress to ensure it won't turn an ugly yellow.
Bridezilla's Solutions to Common Stains:
- Make-up: Lemon Dish Detergent (perk: smells yummy)
- Fresh Blood (ew): Peroxide
- Champagne: Don't sip. Wipe carefully with cold water, fan out and blow dry
- Car grease: Use Lestoil. Bridezilla Bonus Hint: Don't ever change a tire in your wedding gown.
Keep these remedies handy on the Big Day. Or check out Hallak's bridal emergency kit. It includes emergency repair items for rips, tears, spots, stains and other unexpected wedding day surprises like funky breath and fallen curls.
December 2008 is the previous archive.
February 2009 is the next archive.
