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Taming Bridezilla: Wedding Etiquette Refresher
Wedding Etiquette Refresher: 5 Often-Overlooked Points
Wedding Season is in the air, as you may have realized from all those little white invitations appearing in your mailbox. While you may not be able to believe it's that time again, the Great White Wave is indeed upon us. So there's no time like the present to brush up on wedding etiquette.
What's that, you may say? Well, despite our increasingly lax modern culture, wedding etiquette is defined as the few remaining traditions and customs we employ to show we are still civilized society - at least as long as we are wearing formalwear and grazing off an open bar. In an era of destination weddings and leopard-print bridesmaid gifts, here are the few hallowed wedding rituals that remain timeless.
Continue Reading Taming Bridezilla: Wedding Etiquette Refresher »Inducing "I Do": A Machiavellian Guide to Marriage
Faking a pregnancy is so 1990's! If you want to get engaged, there are plenty of simple ways to wrangle a proposal, and none of them involve a pink colored pencil or forging your physician's signature! Indeed, by applying the Machiavellian "ends justify the means" mindset to your marriage proposal, it is much easier to achieve said marriage proposal in a timely and pleasing fashion.
After all, once you are happily married and living in a suburban mansion with a Suburban parked in the garage and a bunch of rose-cheeked rugrats hanging off your every appendage, you won't waste time quibbling over mere marriage proposal regulations. Bridezillas know when it comes to life perspectives, it is the outcome that counts, not the minor machinations that occur along the way!
Continue Reading Inducing "I Do": A Machiavellian Guide to Marriage »Bridezilla on Monster-in-Law Island: A Guide To Surviving Your Future Husband's Family
1. Remember, he was theirs first: Sure, you've had him in your hot little hands ever since grade school/high school/college/that time you met him at the bar, but they've had him a lot longer. They're going to feel possessive and protective and other annoying "p" words, and will probably be hugely obnoxious about it. Don't stand for it! Make it clear who the new boss is - he was theirs before, but he's yours now and forever.
2. If the 'zilla-in-laws refuse to get it, try to keep in mind that you all have at least one thing in common: a great deal of love for the man you're going to marry. After those five seconds have passed, think about the things you don't have in common, like the fact that you're being perfectly rational and they're being unnecessarily annoying. Sure, they may be able to exert their evil in-law influence and make the two of you sleep in separate beds, but soon you'll have a house of your own and you can make the in-laws take separate rooms, or even the couch.
Continue Reading Bridezilla on Monster-in-Law Island: A Guide To Surviving Your Future Husband's Family »Top Ten Things Beneath Bridezilla
1) DIY-anything. Bridezilla says, why do what you can delegate?
2) Synchronized dances. A la tuhuelpa legria macarena? Only in Cancun baby! If we wanted to dance to the YMCA all night, we'd crash our gay nephew's prom in drag (whee, we love doing that anyway).
3) Pun-induced wedding favors. Bridezilla would never harass her guests with "perfect pair" pears or "love is sweet" Jordan almonds. That's just sick!
4) Holiday Weddings. Bridezilla would never be that inconsiderate to her guests - nor would she ever allow her groom to get away with a two-for-one anniversary date! What is that, marriage by Mcdonalds?
5) Chain store wedding gowns. Hey, if the devil wore Prada, bridezilla wears Vera. In other words, if it's not couture, its not ko-sher. There is no point in paying good money for a wedding gown that is not even custom fit to hide your wobbly bits, especially when everyone else in these extra-value-esque stores are college age brides on a shoestring budget wearing the same dress as you. Pass!
The Bridezilla Guide to Bouncing Back from a Broken Engagement
One thing that both pains and puzzles Bridezilla is the way people treat canceled weddings with a level of sorrow more worthy of wakes. Bridezilla says "Congrats on crisis averted!" Marrying the wrong guy is never fabulous - and avoiding doing so is cause for celebration, not consternation.
On that note, here's a guide to bouncing back from your broken engagement, bridezilla-style. Hint: no canceling reception necessary!
Bridezilla Finishing School: How to Speak Chic French
Today Bridezilla is beaming to unveil our brand new feature "The Bridezilla Finishing School." We recognize all bridezillas aren't born with a diamond ring on their diapers, but we do believe every bridezilla can become a well-bred, elegant woman with decent training and discipline (*raps ruler*). Don't let a little caste system stand in your way to becoming a bridezilla of noble breeding! Rather, enjoy our crash course in all things haute couture!
On that note, first thing's first: Essential French phrases to make you look like the Bon Vivant Bridezillas that you are, even if you've never left Tuscaloosa!
Bridezilla Finishing School: Brand Name Pronunciation
For our second lesson in the Bridezilla Finishing School, we turn to brand name pronunciation. For everyone who's ever had a "Ver-says" moment, this lesson is for you. Pay attention, there will be a pop quiz!
HERMES
Pronunciation: AIR-MEZ
Cocktail Chatter Cliff's notes: Can you believe the legendary style horse Hermes started as a saddlemaker? The fashion house has sure come along way now that John Paul Gaultier is at the helm.Famous for amazing handbags and equestrian- inspired luxury, Hermes' s iconic Birkin bag has the longest waiting list of any fashion item in history-but Bridezillas with a cool six years to spare will be well-rewarded when they finally get their hands on a beloved Birken of their very own!
Fancy Wedding Table Manners: How-to Video
Avoid a Julia Roberts "slippery little suckers" moment! Watch this equally terrifying and exhilarating video on elegant table manners for posh weddings, courtesy of the indomitable International Etiquette Headmistress Elena Brower of Expert Village.
5 Ingenious Anniversary Gifts
If there's one thing Bridezillas are famous for, it's for incorporating wedding traditions with a modern twist! This next lesson in the Bridezilla Finishing School is no exception. Below we'll learn the traditional gift category for the first 5 anniversaries, along with a clever modern gift idea based on each. Read on to put your gift-giving worries to rest.
Bridezilla's Modern Pick for the Paper Anniversary? A Celestial Celebration Map!
Four more great anniversary gifts after the jump....
The Finer Things in Life: The World's Most Expensive Cocktails
Wednesday Brand Name Pronunciation: Proenza Schouler
Proenza Schouler
Pronunciation: pro-en-za skool-er
Proenza's perfect honeymoon look.
Cocktail Chatter Cliff's Notes: Can you imagine partnering with your former lover on a luxury design brand, like Proenza Schouler designers Lazaro Hernandez and Jack McCollough did? And then to name the label after your mothers' maiden names? So avante garde! You can totally see their Parsons School of Design breeding in their mod, edgy, and tailored clothing style.
It's such a Cinderella story how Hernandez got the label's big break: he encountered the Fairy Godmother of Fashion, Vogue Editor Anna Wintour, on a plane, and convinced the stewardess to send her a napkin detailing his love and vision for fashion. A few weeks later Hernandez got a call from Michael Kors, courtesy of Wintour, and went to work. Now one of the most popular fashion lines on the runway today, when Proenza Schouler's first collection debuted in Barney's, the entire rack was purchased by none other than the two teenage daughters of Danielle Steele!
Bridezilla Finishing School: The Anatomy of a Sailboat
Anticipating a high-seas honeymoon but still don't know your bow from your boom? No worries! For Bridezillas who think port is just a dessert wine, our very special "How to Speak Sailboat" Bridezilla Finishing School Lesson will have you singing "sail away with me honey" in no time! Plus, doesn't this guy have the cutest accent!?
Brand Name Pronunciation of the Week: Givenchy
Givenchy
Pronunciation: jee-von-shee
A Futuristic Wedding Dress from the Fall/Winter 2007 Collection
Cocktail Chatter Cliff's Notes:The famous French aristocrat and fashion designer Hubert De Givenchy is forever linked with one of the greatest Bridezillas of all time: the graceful, mischievous, and dainty Audrey Hepburn. The most bona fide Bridezillas develop a signature style early in life, and Audrey Hepburn's Givenchy devotion lasted longer than most marriages. The designer noted this trademark Bridezilla trait about the Belgian ingenue: "One thing that struck me about her, apart from her charm and elegance, was her ability to make herself loved and admired by women as well as men." First lady Jacqueline Kennedy was also a huge Givenchy fan. Bottom line? Buy Givenchy, buy an iconoclastic place in fashion history.
Wine/Food Pairing Primer for your Wedding Reception
Does your palate need priming? Wine expert Leslie Sbrocco gives you pairing tips to confidently match wine and food for a delectable wedding reception spread. Way beyond the old white-with-fish, red-with-meat rule, so click below to read more!
Continue Reading Wine/Food Pairing Primer for your Wedding Reception »
Wednesday Name Brand Pronunciation: Louis Vuitton
Louis Vuitton
Pronunciation: loo-wee vee-tahn
Cocktail Chatter Cliff's Notes: Did you know that, thanks to counterfeiting, just over 1% of all products bearing the signature LV monogram are actually genuine Louis Vuitton? Since 1854, this luxury leather goods company has been setting the standard for everyone from Madison Avenue fashionistas to bridge and tunnel wannabes. We've been paying extra attention since Marc Jacobs came on as the label's artistic director in 1997, introducing a pret-a-porter line and bringing in art and fashion legends like Takashi Murakami and Stephen Sprouse to collaborate on bags. (Anyone remember these gorgeous shoes? Yeah, you do.)
Louis Vuitton is partnered with eluxury.com for online shopping, so if your nearest metropolis is more Topeka than Tokyo, you can still get a piece of fashion history. Take off on your honeymoon with a luggage set in the classic original Damier canvas or add a quirky touch to your bridal ensemble with these open-toed That's Love pumps.
Bridezilla Undergarment Spectacular: The Best Bras, Bustiers, and Chemises
Wednesday Name Brand Pronunciation: Balenciaga
Balenciaga
Pronunciation: Bal-en-see-AH-gah
The ultimate bag for carting around everything a Bridezilla needs.
Cocktail chatter Cliff's Notes:
In 1914, Cristobal Balenciaga started out by making clothes for the Spanish royal family. In the years following, his unique vision revolutionized the female silhouette, challenging Christian Dior's New Look with his sleek, fluid designs, as well as winning him fans ranging from 1950s society queen and fashion icon Pauline de Rothschild to First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy, who spent so much on Balenciaga's haute couture creations that her father-in-law Joseph Kennedy chose to bankroll her couture bills himself rather than have them reflect poorly on the White House. After an early seventies downswing prompted by Cristobal's exit from the company, Balenciaga picked itself back up in 1997 by bringing on design prodigy Nicholas Ghesquiere as creative director, who re-energized the brand through his fabulous grasp of the woman's silhouette, echoing the early genius of Cristobal himself.
We like Balenciaga for their sky-high heels and celeb-beloved oversized bags like the one pictured here: the Giant City in bridal white and gold. We can only hope we'll be able to save up enough for a Balenciaga wedding dress like the one Nicole Kidman wore when she wed Keith Urban - a Bridezilla can dream, right?
Move over, Russel Stover: Bridezilla Takes a Bite of the Best Chocolates
How to make a French Spiral Bouquet
Today's lesson in The Bridezilla Finishing School features the fine art of flower-arranging. Flower arranging is a great way to bring beauty to your wedding and surrounding festivities,and honestly, what could help blow off wedding steam better than burying your hands in roses and lillies? But since this is Bridezilla.com, we wouldn't settle for just any old flower arranging facts. Watch and learn how to make the hottest wedding flower mix on the market today: the classic, sexy and sophisticated French Spiral Bouquet. Hint: apparently it's all in the leaf nodes!
The Bridezilla Finishing School: Graceful Wedding Gratuities
Today's Bridezilla Finishing School Lesson is: How to give appropriately gracious wedding gratuities to the good wedding help of this world. Remember, no matter how outrageous these wedding tips may seem at the time, they are a lot cheaper than legal fees and bought-off witnesses. Bridezilla Bonus Tip: Don't scrimp when it comes to buying your wedding planner's silence about the whole "I'll tear up this contract and use it as wedding confetti" comment. You were just being wry, we know!
As always, we well-finished 'zillas show our gratitude with a little more style than most. To create the trademark Bridezilla Gratuity Goody Bag, include: a cash tip in a sealed envelope, a hand-written thank you card, and either a wedding favor a wedding floral to take home.
Here's how much to tip per wedding vendor:
Coat Room Attendants: 50 cents per guest. An extra dollar for every wince-worthy "nice rack" joke makes a well-bred Bridezilla out of you. Bridezillas with big weddings may do better to arrange a flat fee rather than a per-person price.
Limousine Driver: A tip of 15% . For getting Bridezilla to the church on time, and doubling as a super designated driver while you imbibed the entire mini-fridge on the way to the ceremony, 15% is the appropriate tip. Hint: Wise Bridezillas never tip twice; make sure the gratuity wasn't already included in your final bill before you pay again upon parking.
Officiant: A $75 donation minimum is de riguer for the one who kindly altered your vows to read "For richer or richer." On that note, $100 is really more becoming of a well-bred Bridezilla. There is a rumor officiants find tips offensive, but this is really just the equivalent of Bridezilla saying "you shouldn't have" when someone gives her a wedding gift, when really she would have gutted them if they didn't. If you are worried about appearing irreverent, opt for a church donation rather than a direct contribution.
Valets: 50 cents -$1.00 per car. Wise Bridezillas encourage car pooling and taxis, or getting married on remote private islands to keep per-car costs down.
Bartenders: 10% of total liquor bill. This one will lighten your Fendi wallet fast, we know, but it was worth it for the top-shelf good time!
The Finer Things in Life: Reinventing The Mall
Bridezilla Brand Name Pronunciaton: Emanuel Ungaro
A Statement-Making Ungaro Gown
Emanuel Ungaro
Pronunciation: Eh-MAHN-wayl Oon-GAH-ro
Cocktail Cliff's Notes: Born to Italian parents who had fled to France from Brindisi because of the fascist Italian government, Ungaro is Bridezilla's most favorite fugitive fashionista ever. Embracing his metrosexual side early on, Ungaro took to sewing as a young boy. Decades later, his clothes are known for French flair with an almost surreal sensuality about them, including innovations like the chain mail dress and metal bustiers (fashionable and fierce, Bridezilla adores!) Ungaro's look was popularized by models like Twiggy and Penelope Tree, and his visionary clothing lines are designed to remind every Bridezilla that "women are the joy of every man." Attach that quote to Groomzilla's next credit card bill!
How to Write a Brilliant Bridezilla Wedding Thank-You Note
First of all, we fully realize that in this online age, few things frighten Bridezilla quite like the uncanny sight of seeing her own handwriting-it's almost as creepy as hearing a home phone ring! But nevertheless, handwritten thank-you cards are one of the last strongholds of old-world wedding civility remaining in our little cyber lives, and as such must be upheld.
Why? Because there are two kinds of brides in this world: classy bridezillas who write warm, witty and heartfelt wedding thank-yous, and those trashy cash-bar having, Clariol brides who can't be bothered. Well let it be known Bridezilla has wasted too much perfectly good Mac Lipglass crossing the latter off her Christmas, Hannukah, and Kwanzaa (hey we love parties, ok?) invitation lists, and we'll have no more of it! Thus, after the jump, please enjoy our swift guide to writing brilliant Bridezilla wedding thank-you cards.
Wednesday Name Brand Pronunciation: Manolo Blahnik
Manolo Blahnik
Pronunciation: muh-no-lo blah-nick
In case you're having trouble with the pronunciation up there, the real way to say Manolo Blahnik is in a low, reverent whisper. You have to earn your way up to talking Manolos - a la Carrie Bradshaw - like Blahnik is your best friend and not really the chief enemy of your bank account. In the meantime, revel in the history of one of the shoe world's most well-know names: Manolo grew up in the Canary Islands, where he was raised on a banana plantation. From there he went on to study literature at the University of Geneva, and then art in Paris. At barely 31 he opened his first store in London and he hasn't stopped making gorgeous shoes since. With a bio like that, how could the man help but exist at the forefront of fantasy fashion?
We love these silvery-white Metallic Slingback Pumps because they hold the balance between pristine pre-dyed white and nightclub-ready silver, so they'll be shiny fabulous beneath your wedding dress while still ceremony-appropriate enough not to scandalize grandma. Can't get enough Manolo? Pick up these Broach D'Orsay Pumps, too - something about the d'Orsay style is just eternally right for every formal occasion, and these topaz and gold pumps can take you from the rehearsal dinner to the honeymoon with no trouble at all.
The Well-Bred Bridezilla: The Best Etiquette Books
Since most of us weren't born and bred to be the perfectly polite ladies we've grown into, it's been necessary to get a little help along the way. Thus we present the three best etiquette books for every stage of life: teenager, grown woman, and Bridezilla.
Continue Reading The Well-Bred Bridezilla: The Best Etiquette Books »Wednesday Name Brand Pronunciation: Bottega Veneta
Bottega Veneta
Pronunciation: bah-tay-guh vin-etta
From its original launch as an Italian luxury leather goods company to their late-nineties brand resurgence led by avant-garde London darling Giles Deacon, Bottega Veneta has had a fairly inconsistent past. It's all smooth sailing these days, though, with Tomas Maier at the helm returning the brand to its original aesthetic of unbearably high-class luxury. Their most recent fashion week showing was a master class in understated elegance - we never thought we could care so much about beige - and the signature Intrecciato weave of their handbags still speaks of the kind of style that's not purchased or elaborately constructed, but simply innate. In other words: we want.
If you're not near a boutique, e-fashion giant net-a-porter.com has the largest selection of Bottega Veneta we've seen, including the cashmere shift dress gone impossibly right pictured above. And we think these woven leather Pompeii sandals are about as perfect as a honeymoon shoe can get.
5 Best-Kept Secrets for Buying a Bridezilla Gown on a Budget
A seasoned shopper, you know all about sample sales and second-hand stores. Today, Bridezilla goes beyond the basics with an advanced guide to getting a gorgeous gown for minimal moolah. We have consulted professional ateliers, fellow Bridezillas, and other fabulous sites to bring you the best of the best guide to budget gowns. Here's some tips to get you started:
5Dupiono, Dahling.
Dupiono is the Bridezilla's best friend you've never heard of. Pictured above, this low-cost silk is gorgeously lustrous, offers a crisp drape, and is great at withstanding wrinkles. The favorite fabric of all bridezillas seeking fabulous frugalosity, you can save a bundle by investing in this beautiful silk. Best of all, it is easy to get matching beaded Dupioni so you won't have to sacrifice opportunities for embellishment (the Bridezilla deathknell) by opting for a better-value fabric. Lastly, Dupioni is a preferred fabric of ateliers because it is easy to sew,-which brings us to our next tip. ....Continue Reading 5 Best-Kept Secrets for Buying a Bridezilla Gown on a Budget »
How to Fire a Bridesmaid, Bridezilla Style
You don't want her in your wedding party anymore. Maybe she was laid off and you want to spare her the cost of those Vera Wang bridesmaid gowns. Maybe she refused to cover her giant skull-and-snake tattoo or dye her hair from bubble-gum pink back to brown before the Big Day. Maybe she'll be eight-months pregnant, and you don't want her waddling down the aisle, stealing attention from you with her baby bump and pregnancy glisten.
Years ago, I was demoted from Maid of Honor to mere first-to-walk bridesmaid and without just cause. The bride asked me in the early planning stages to be her Maid of Honor. Months later, after she got a new best friend, she asked "Do you still want to be a um... bridesmaid?" Ouch. I performed my bridesmaid duties, but with the bitter taste in my mouth, I could barely enjoy the wedding cake much less muster a smile.
There is a proper way to break up with your bridesmaid. And it doesn't involve back-talking, text messages, or a tear-filled scene straight out of Mean Girls. Read on and learn how to let a girl go, bridezilla style.
Continue Reading How to Fire a Bridesmaid, Bridezilla Style »
