By saying that age is a defining point in whether or not someone should get married, you sound like a woman going through a mid-life crisis, taking bites out of the younger generation in relatiation for no longer being a youth yourself. You make it sound as though you are lashing out in jealousy, immaturity, and denial.

You are also scraping very closely to religious beliefs. Though I myself am not religious, I know young men and women who plan on staying abstinant before marriage. If they were to follow your suggestions, even if they knowingly did it only to come back to their first love after they’ve experienced the world of dating, they would be breaking their religous morals.

My boyfriend wants to marry me. He’s told me he’s going to marry me. He even drunkenly called up just to propose, despite not remembering it the next morning. He loves me, and he knows he loves me because he’s never loved any of the dozens of girlfriends he’s had before me. Of all of them, he had sex with one, his longest relationship before me, a girl he was with seven months before she ‘chickened’ him into it, despite him being older than her.

He wishes he’d said no, and saved himself for a girl he knew for sure he was in love with. He tells me he wishes that I was his only, just as he was mine. What we see here is a young man who respects women and their bodies, and has adopted the same beliefs as myself – that sex is an affection, just another way we show we love each other. How likely is this man to have an affair if he thinks of sex this way, or myself for that matter?

He’s been cheated on, with that same girl I mentioned earlier. She told him that she wanted to break up with him, date and sleep with other guys, then get back with him in four years and marry him. That kind of attitude, ma’am, creates disloyalty. Not his, nor mine.

If you love someone, why regret anything? Why not just cherish the fact you loved in the first place?

I went through a great tragedy this year with the loss of my older sister whom I helped raise through her disabilities, and the only person there for me besides my parents was my boyfriend, who stayed with me the whole time. I have devoted myself to him, losing a relationship with a bitchy out-of-line best friend, and damaging my relationship with my dearest cousin.

Occupationally wise, he isn’t furthuring his education – he’s going into the police force. I, myself, am dabbling in several fields, one that will require three years of study. We want to start a family while we are young, so that we can see the world with each other and our children, not alone, drunk and bumbling and sleeping with whatever whispers our way.

Sure, I had plans that I know will have to be compromised, because when you are married it’s not just you making decisions anymore, it’s both of you. I wont be able to just up and fly to america to go to short film festivals and conventions on a whim, and he wont be able to take off on long motorbike trips and visiting pubs with his uncles without a second thought.

Marriage requires maturity, and perhaps you have just enough of it to think about how your married life will be. But what you really should be considering, particularly given the response this article has dished out, is how narrow-minded and unyeilding the thought-gap between generations seems to be.

At seventeen, I can admit that we may be a tad young and unworn, and stupidly drunk with love, but we’re also running at the brim with acceptance and the eagerness to live every moment of our lives to the fullest, because we never know how many more seconds will actually pass by on the clock. If that means living each moment with the man or woman we love dearest in the world, and starting a life early so we can relax, party when the kids are all grown and we don’t need to work or study six days a week, ( which is in hindsight more responsible ), then so be it.

But perhaps you should consider that it’s not for you to judge US, or we may start judging YOU back, wondering just why it is that you’re so seasoned before allowing yourself to commit to love.

I’m seventeen, my boyfriend is eighteen, and he plans to propose any time after I’m legally allowed. And I plan to say ‘yes’.

Sincerely replied,
Ash

Women complained in the 1960´s about HAVING to get married and being a housewife, but not because there was anything inherently wrong in doing so, rather because they were socially obligated to live a life they didn´t want. Nowadays I feel awkward around friends because they are trying to MAKE me not get married just because of my age/not having slept around enough/etc..

Why can´t we just go with the flow and let everyone find their happiness however it comes to them?

SHEEZ..

My advice is definitely:
1) Don’t get married whilst you’re still in school, college or grad school. It’s so important to be in a stable career with a clear idea of who you are as a person. Life CHANGES. Finishing school, getting a job… if you’re married, all of your options change. Every one of your future dreams has to be acceptable to your other half. If you have to choose between your risky dream job and a sullen wife and a large mortgage, you know what you’re going to do. And the choice will leave you unhappy, and you will hide your resentment, but it won’t go away…
2) Don’t marry your teenage love, this has got nothing to do with being a slut. EVERYONE on the planet has more than one “option,” so don’t settle for the first one. You really do never know who else is out there.
3) Make sure you’ve actually lived even some of your dreams independently before getting married. This is an enormous thing; you sacrifice so much of yourself in a marriage that you need to know you can be happy in your own time. You’re more likely to retain the space you need that way.
4) Listen to your parents, even if you hate them. If everyone really disapproves of your future husband / wife, have a think about the reasons why that might be.
5) Don’t ever ever ever get married because you’re afraid of being alone. Actually take some time to be alone instead, go travel for 3 months or take an intership abroad. You’ll figure out it’s not so bad, and you’ll find that other people are interested in you just for you.
6) Be engaged for at least a year. Even if you’ve lived together first. Trust me.
7) STOP and listen to yourselves. If you’re angry at this article, and say, “I’m 20, I’m mature, blah blah, this doesn’t apply to me,” then you’re exactly the kind of person who it DOES apply to. Because I used to think EXACTLY the same way — I was smart and mature and in love. The rules didn’t apply to me, because I was intelligent and stable enough to handle everything. Believe me, you WILL change. You WILL hit 25, 30 and think, “I wish I’d waited.” Boredom, curiousity and resentment do accumulate, My mid twenties was more full of change than my late teens and early twenties. And that change highlighted the cracks in my marriage, because we really did get married too young.

Just focus on yourself for a bit, there is plenty of time…