5 Steps to Avoiding “Starter Husband” Syndrome

Posted by on 16 Oct, 2007

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We all know the scenario. One spouse, red-eyed and mottled with tears, asks in a shaky voice, “Why, why now? I mean, we’re married. That’s supposed to mean something.” The other spouse is stoic, staring at the floor, mumbling “I just don’t feel like this is right anymore. I need to be by myself again.” The twist? Now the spouse who wants out is the woman, and the beseeching wreck is the starter husband she leaves in her red-soled wake.
Indeed, it’s been known for a while that Bridezillas are the new bachelors, so some would say it was only a matter of time before we became the new serial monogamists too. According to the Marie Claire article on this subject,“Marriage is the new dating, and kids are the new marriage.” While Bridezilla concedes this may be the case, we also believe Bridezillas can do better! Scroll down for 5 ways to avoid an “entry-level” marriage.


5 Cultivate a marriage of inconvenience. Even some bridezillas believe the definition of marriage is a mutually amenable division of responsibilities and compensations (ie, she cooks, he washes the cars, she’s emotional, he’s levelheaded) As long as these perfectly-split responsibilities are attractive to each party, the marriage “succeeds.” Well guess what? The 1950’s called, and they want their narrow-minded ideology back! You are a brilliant, modern woman and you can do better than the quid-pro-quo quotidian.
Starting today, erase any crappy Cameron Crowe “complete me” ideology from your cunning Bridezilla mind, and understand that true love can never be based on conditions, no matter how mutually accepted.Consider the artifice: In this scenario, the second Groomzilla forgets to bring home flowers or get fired, you “love” him less. Such a superficial arrangement is ludicrous, and can only result in a Starter Husband situation.
Rather, real Bridezillas know you cannot marry someone with the perception that they will compensate for the parts you don’t like about yourself, or your own character has no chance of flourishing. Rather, you have to find someone who challenges you to overcome those weaknesses and become complete in your own right. Once you meet the man who’s not afraid to challenge you to become a better Bridezilla-despite the black rages and shattered champagne glasses-you’ve met your mate for life. Let’s just hope he’s good at dodging hurled heels! Bridezilla ByLaw: Any Bridezilla caught committing the marriage of convenience crime shall be punished by wearing a poodle skirt and perky ponytail in public.
4 Imagine your marriage without the wedding. Bridezillas are no stranger to wedding fever obviously, but we definitely don’t buy into the whole harmful “insert groomzilla here” ideology. This is because Bridezilla knows a fabulous party is only as excellent as its guests of honor. Choose a Groomzilla worthy of such a stellar celebration, and don’t let your desire for a couture gown and hazelnut canapes cause you to end up with a casualty marriage. In fact, one foolproof way to avoid a starter husband is to forsake that fifth course and use the savings to get marriage counseling. Bridezilla ByLaw: When Bridezilla is Prime Minister, skipping marriage counseling will be illegal!
3 Don’t sacrifice Mr. Sexy for Mr. Safety. How many times have you heard that the sex haze can be the death knell to finding your soul mate? Well Bridezilla begs to differ! We have seen many more marriages fail because women overlooked passion to go with the good-on-paper guy who her family or friends were pressuring her to marry. Remember Bridezilla, security blankets are for children and Charlie Brown comics. You are a bold, successful woman and you need a strong, sexy partner to hold your lifelong attention. The chemistry you feel for your smoking hot Groomzilla will be the salve you need to get you through arguments and ensure respect in your relationship-and save you from one of those uber-corny gardener trysts. In fact, Bridezilla challenges you, next time you meet a guy you think you could really see yourself with, don’t ask a single friend or family member their opinion about him. Bridezilla Bylaw: If you find yourself uttering the phrases “We never argue” or “He just loves me so much,” flee from this Starter Husband situation asap!
2 Just say no to whirlwind courtships. Unless one of you has a terminal illness, rushing into marriage is a huge sign that an equally rushed divorce is in the forecast. Bridezilla believes true love with last a lifetime, so if it’s the real deal there’s no point in ambushing the altar before getting to know each other’s eccentricities and extended families. It takes a while to see the whole picture, and rushing things is the quickest way to ruin even the most potential-brimming relationship. Bridezillas know, not only do quickie courtships cause Starter Husbands, they also result in comprised wedding locations and second-choice wedding dresses. Not acceptable! Bridezilla Bylaw: In questions of love, when faced with a choice of fast or slow, make slow your default setting!
1 Wait until after you are thirty. We realize this is a controversial statement, but even Bridezillas can’t defy science! Statistics confirm that the current highest rate of divorce is in women ages 25-29, with 30 being the seemingly magic number when your marriage is 50% more likely to last. Bridezilla has warned about the dangers of marrying too young, but now its time to redefine that age bracket. Bridezilla knows it can be hard to wait, but those odds speak for themselves.Bridezilla ByLaw: Start your thirties with a stable friendship circle and a strong 401k, not as a divorcee!
Bridezilla Bonus Tip: Understand that “or better or for worse” doesn’t mean best. As modern women seekong to “have it all,” we maintain the childish mentality that upgrading our work or home lifestyle means we need a new coordinating groomzilla every time we get a work promotion or lose twenty pounds. This socially upward mindset is one of the biggest causes of starter husbands, so please curtail this ruthlessness in favor of ladylike restraint.
Rather, focus on moving forward together. If you get a raise at work, take your Groomzilla out for a spiffy new haircut and a sharper tie, rather than heartlessly trading him in for a younger model. Concentrate on perfecting the marriage you have, rather than letting success make your callous, cynical, and (gulp) single again.

Leave a Comment

  1. On 16 Oct, 2007, Marty said:

    Waiting until after thirty is a great idea – it gives you enough time to gain those big promotions and settle into your career so marriage finances are more about combining 401k’s than student loans.

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  2. On 19 Nov, 2007, Hangin in there said:

    Go girls! Confident and secure, and find the challenges mere molehills and your goals the mountain tops. A mate, novel concept, love it with pride, be willing to let go of the dream if he’s dragging his feet. May find out years down the road you were the one. Oh well, next exploration…
    In this day and age traditional is boring and the game is what seems to be of interest. I am not one to endorse game playing, I like direct conversation, I know they like the chase, bridezillas I feel you merging upon the male culture like fans at a football game. Go travel and love freely and get over the assholes of the world, only a man with real character can lasao his lady into a life she loves by letting her be herself and appreciating what he has. Controlling stiflers be gone, we tire of your approach and anger, the facade of happiness that comes with your vanity, give us bald, bellys, and beer and a hell of a good time for all that are here!!!

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  3. On 26 May, 2008, Lorraine said:

    i WONDER if the person who wrote this garbage is married herself, probably not because the advice is just bad.

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  4. On 04 Sep, 2009, Anonymous said:

    There are both pros and cons of marrying at 30 or 21.
    I guess if it doesn’t work out at 21 it will be okay because your still young!

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  5. On 23 Feb, 2010, Jami said:

    Take a little advice from a woman that’s actually married .
    1. Who cares about Mr. Sexy or Mr. Convenient ..you want a guy that is LOYAL .
    2. Your marriage is not your wedding and vice versa . No one is obligated to tie any knots. If you haven’t found the right one for you, don’t do it.
    3. Establish roles ,maybe even a prenup of responsibilities. i.e. I’ll do the laundry if you do the dishwasher. Make it equitable and remember that picking up a litle of your spouses slack is a nice way to say I appreciate you.
    4. Keep your marriage problems to yourself and 1 other close , closed mouth person. You don’t need your extended network analyzing your marriage or their 2 cents.
    5. Get married when you are on the same page as your spouse , but don’t have kids before 30 . Kids are the fire in which marriages are steeled or burnt to a crisp. Have you kid free fun, get the youth “stuff” out of your system and procreate when you are BOTH mature enough to sacrifice yourselves to the baby gods.
    6. Stop making failure an option . The “it might not be perfect but we’ll work on ’till it is because we’ll be together for the rest of our lives” WORKS , because you have no alternative. Imagine you were stranded on a desert island with your spouse , you’d find a way to get along, so find one here and now.

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