Bridezilla Finishing School: How to take a Bridezilla-worthy Bubble Bath

Posted by on 26 Nov, 2007

“A good bath is sexy but solitary, and never excessively frou-frou. Your soul gets cleaner than your body. Remember to take slow baths. Hurried baths will leave you sore and bitter.” Inspired by this amusing post, Bridezilla decided to write our own primer for a proper bubble bath. After all, with winter afoot, there are few greater luxuries than a long, yummy soak. Below, Bridezilla offers tips for maximum pleasure in the Porcelain Therapist.

1) Even as you cleanse yourself, make sure to read pure filth. Educational reading in the bath is a Bridezilla sin for sure. Bridezilla says: furrowed brows and bubble baths don’t mix! Spare the Rushdie and opt for some soothing chicklit, i.e. bubble bath for the brain. Sophie Kinsella’s “The Undomestic Goddess” or Jennifer Weiner’s “In her Shoes” are good squeaky fun for the tub.


2) Size/style matters. Before lowering her hallowed form into a bath-type receptacle, Bridezilla must think critically, and inspect carefully, this potential vessel. Is this bath a sufficient size to submerge you to the level of overall warmth and luxury you need? If your spiky knees or mal-polished toes will be marooned, abandon and move on. Freedom from body criticism is one of the best parts of the bathing experience. Also, is the bathing vessel attractive enough to encourage you to actually climb inside? Their must be no cracks, discoloration or dust in order for Bridezilla to award said bathtub with her occupancy. We find a claw foot bathtub provides the most queen-like experience, but if you don’t have one handy, jet spas and a nice, cavernous shape can suffice.

3) Bubble Bath Bliss. Bathing without bubble bath is like Meg Ryan movies without the constant catty commentary-Bridezilla wouldn’t dream of it! On that note, ignore anyone that tells you shampoo or (shudder) dish soap makes a good bubble bath substitute. As usual, those people are just trying to kill you. However even Bridezilla knows a truly awesome bubble bath is hard to find, so Bridezilla is happy to recommend Dirty Girl Bubble Bath or the cheeky urban blends from Not Soap Radio. Bridezilla Bonus Tip: we would like to give an honorable mention to the legendary Lush Bath Bombs. While not appropriate for every day use, the girly pomp and fizzle they present when tossed in water is certainly exciting for special occasion bathing. Petal-drenched Bridezillas everywhere agree!

4) Lighting is everything. The first and most important thing to consider when taking a bath is the proper lighting. Dim, sexy lights are a must for bathing. Candlelight is a classic choice, and scarfs thrown over lamps also creates a sultry mood perfect for de-stressing. If you are a Bridezilla of the bookworm bathtub variety, a wee booklight is a great investment that lets you read peacefully without creating wrinkles.

5) Utter Silence is your soundtrack. Though we are not immune to a little Amy Winehouse when the occasion calls for it, we find utter silence to be the best background music for a Bridezilla-worthy bath. To this extent, try to save your baths for when you are home alone, or at least when you have the door sufficiently barricaded to ensure some pleasant privacy. The melodic lapping of the water and the soft crackle of bubbles provides a most soothing sonata for thought-burdened bridezillas.

6) Some like it hot, then cold. Bridezillas naturally prefer to crank the heat up for a truly steamy bath time experience. But we recommend dipping your feet in cold faucet water or putting ice cubes on your forehead occasionally for a truly spa-like experience. This will provide a pleasing medley of sensations and allow you to savor your bathtime longer without overheating.

7) Slip into something only slightly less comfortable. Of course your Bridezilla birthday suit is your most comfortable ensemble, but after getting out of the bath, go for second best. A sexy silk robe or cuddly cotton nightie make your transition from Bogged-Down Bridezilla to stress-free sylph Bridezilla complete!

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