Comments on: Domestic Policy: Are Dreams the New Dowry?

By: Miss B

Miss B — Wed, 07 May 2008 14:40:12 +0000

Thanks for the candid feedback K! We are finding this is a very relevant subject for modern women, and are going to be exploring more in the future about how to have a dream-safe marriage

By: K

Wed, 07 May 2008 14:36:40 +0000

this is such an interesting post. i can tell you that my mother gave up a lot for me and for my dad. she moved to the US so i could have a “better life” (more educational and career opportunities), and she also gave up her dreams of becoming a nurse to support our family. while i appreciate all she has done for me, i’ve also been saddled with guilt knowing that my mom could have achieved more in her life if she didn’t have me.
my mom is a strong and very giving person, but after watching her toil six days a week for years at a dead-end job made me reevaluate my thoughts on marriage and childbearing. i am happily married now, but i am also questioning the idea of having kids and sacrificing what i’ve worked so hard for just to make others happy. as of right now, i just don’t want to go down that road.
interestingly (and maybe ironically) enough, though, my mother has slapped me with the “selfish” label when i told her that i might not want children, especially when there are so many other things i’d rather save my money for. needless to say, her comment made me very upset. i’ve been raised my entire life to have my own dreams, but i’m also expected to drop them for the sake of a baby…so why did my mom encourage me to have dreams at all? why does she want me to struggle as she did? it is so frustrating.

By: Cara

Cara — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:28:23 +0000

“But to today’s woman…they strike me as merely fictitious.”
Miss Pearl, you may laugh, but have you SEEN the real life of a soccer mom ?! it does happen EVERY DAY that women give up their ambitions. I watched an episode just the other day of a woman who received a scholarship to the police academy, and CLEARLY wanted to take the opportunity after her week of secretly working there. Her husband simply said “NO” and that was the end of the discussion.
You are right there DOES need to be discussion between partners about this type of stuff so that it is avoided. The problem is many women are sometimes not encouraged to think about what THEY want and go for it, and they are afraid to do ANYTHING for fear of being judged for whatever decision they DO make.
My fiance and I are both of the mind-set that as long as we are truly partners, we can both have fulfilling work and family lives.

By: MissPearls

MissPearls — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:39:42 +0000

This is a ridiculous piece. Marriage is a choice, it doesn’t just happen to women. And it’s hard to feel sorry for anyone — male or female — who makes a lifelong commitment without first coming to know his/her partner and discussing their mutual goals. I can’t imagine marrying someone without knowing what I wanted for myself in terms of career and family, and discussing it with him.
These stories may be “ancient”…because women didn’t used to have the same options of rejecting a suitor, or marriage altogether. But to today’s woman…they strike me as merely fictitious.

By: Miles

Miles — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 10:29:30 +0000

Man if my wife wanted to work while I stayed home with (hypothetical) kids, I’d be all over that.
Anyway, I think this is pretty interesting, but it’s all too easy to make up depressing stories and give a one-sided perspective. Not all women, for one thing, dream of long working careers. Not all men do either. Nor are all marriages “one-sided compromises.”

By: ndulj

ndulj — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 09:22:48 +0000

That is one of the most thought provoking indictments of marriage I have ever read. Sad, but also sadly true.