Top Ten Things that Turn Women into Bridezilla

Posted by on 06 Mar, 2007

Things that make us Bridezilla against our will
1) Our younger sisters announcing their pregnancies at our engagement parties and stealing our thunder.
2) Wedding Barbie. If we didn’t have this little tulle-swathed blonde trollop thrust into our arms at the tender age of three when we could barely chew solid foods, maybe we wouldn’t be so convinced that such perfection is the norm-nor would we have started planning our wedding before we gained basic motor skills.


3) The groom’s pansy lack of involvement. Like, if he would do ANYTHING, maybe we wouldn’t have to do everything. Unless of course “proposing” is suddenly Latin for “passing the buck.” And even if it were, we’d be the ones to know since we are smart and helped them write all their grad school term papers so they would at last finish school at age 30 and finally pop the freaking question already. So the least you fellas could do is help us weave some crinoline around some calla lillies. XOXO
4) Wedding Vendors, a.k.a the White Mafia trying to screw us out of every cent. All their stressful one-day discounts, crazy contracts and hidden costs, forcing us to make snap decisions and spend way more than we said we wanted to. It’s totally unfair and would make anyone mad, but because we’re brides, we get the blame. I mean, your wedding is the one time it’s advisable to have an attorney in order to go shopping. Are we the only people who see that’s unreasonable?
5) Bridal Boot camps. See, when troops go through boot camp, it is notably the worst experience of their lives and they can act as wretched as they want. But when we put ourselves through equally rigorous programs (carrot soup diets, single finger “engagement ring” push-ups) no one’s driving around with a bumper sticker supporting us, offering us badges of courage, or waving flags as we ride by in floats. Such painful injustice breeds….Bridezillas!
6) The gnawing reality that we will only be sleeping with one person for the rest of our life. What, you don’t think women care about that stuff?
7) The crippling inferiority of bachelorette parties to bachelor parties. We’re stuck painting spice racks and listening to Amy Winehouse while our other half parties it up table-top at the Venetian, and you wonder why we are depressed?
8) Stupid wedding dress sizes telling you that you’re an eight when you are a six. We have no idea when this conspiracy started, but nothing puts a girl in a bad mood faster than hearing her dress size is two times bigger than she thought it was-especially when she’s been on diet of straight grapefruit and gingerale for six months, but still has to pay $250 in alterations. Irritating!
9) Martha Stewart. We blame bridezilla syndrome on Martha for setting unrealistic expectations and making us feel super-guilty that we can’t, say, create our own origami swans in sugar cane cages. Sorry we were busy getting engaged and didn’t have a year in the slamber lying on a cot to master that particular craft. Also we hate her for creating burning resentment in our bridesmaids when we try and make them do it for us.
10) Not having a big enough ring, even though you have already figured out from jewelry commercials that the size of your ring is an exact correlation to the amount your groom loves and cares about you. It’s hard to remain plucky and cheerful with that kind of cold, hard science announcing your groom’s puny passion. What can we say? SIZE MATTERS.
Last but not least, no such blame list would be complete without at least mentioning media propaganda and or course, violence in video games. Burn in Hades, Women’s Entertainment Television.

Leave a Comment

  1. On 30 Apr, 2007, Brian Keith said:

    Dear Bridezilla,
    If you are too lame to think up a good bachelorette party, is that your own lack of creative ability coming back to bite you?
    Sure, guys can look at strippers and drink booze and call it a night. And you call yourself more sophisticated than that. But if you don’t know how to scratch the itch of being a modern Bridezilla, then why the act? Just order 100 bottles of White Zin, call Chippendales, and give up.
    Love,
    Brian

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  2. On 24 Jul, 2007, brooke said:

    oh god, please please please tell me this is all a really bad joke. the size of the ring is what really matters? so sad.

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  3. On 30 Jul, 2007, xilirisahulabekacn said:

    xilirisahulabekacn

    nice post

    Reply to this comment
  4. On 29 Sep, 2007, kristin said:

    My maid of honor sent me this link as a joke. I hope this WHOLE SITE is a really bad joke.

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  5. On 29 Sep, 2007, Miss B said:

    Trust us, if your Maid of Honor sent you this link, it’s not a joke honey. It’s a hint. And not a very veiled one at that!

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  6. On 23 Oct, 2007, Dee said:

    I’m dealing with a bridezilla SIL who thinks everyone should drop everything to accommodate her one day. Having planned a wedding myself, I’m sorry gals, but it’s ONE FLIPPING DAY. Get over yourselves. Someone needs to inform control-freak brides (much like the one that made THIS site) that your wedding day doesn’t give you an all-access pass to treat people like crap and whine about every little thing that doesn’t go your way. If you’re an adult getting married, this should be a no-brainer. Otherwise, time to rethink whether or not you have the gall and maturity for that lifelong commitment that is marriage. Get your priorities straight and stop the whiny bellyaching.

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  7. On 28 Feb, 2008, Ann said:

    Bridal dresses are true-sized. That means they haven’t changed in a while, and aren’t vanity-sized (sized according to the bell curve) like retail clothing.
    If the industry would just start using measurements, this wouldn’t happen. It is kind of sad when I see a girl spaz out when she realizes she’s not really a 4. But what does 4 mean? 4 of what?
    Men don’t have to deal with this crap, why do women?
    My point: learn your measurements and ask to see a size chart. Don’t put any stock in what one manufacturer defines “4” or “8” or “12” to mean.

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  8. On 23 Mar, 2008, bride said:

    we can’t forget the bridesmaids that think its there wedding and throw little comments here and there to make you cry but your far too nice to ever say anything that eventually it just builds up and builds up or you take it out on other things and become a monsterous bride ZILLA!

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  9. On 24 Mar, 2008, Wow said:

    The sad thing is, this is completely retarded whether it’s supposed to be for real, or a joke. So not funny. So deranged.

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  10. On 01 Apr, 2008, Abigail said:

    Okay,wow I thought that the list was some kinda joke. If you really think anything like that (except for number one, that is just not tactful,) you need help. There is so much more important thing to spend time thinking/worrying about. GET OVER YOURSELF! It’s not like anyone cares anyway.

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  11. On 18 May, 2008, Cat said:

    LOL you guys are just pissed cos your weddings sucked. The list is funny and true in a sadistic kind of way. If you don’t find it funny then you have no sense of humor.

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  12. On 05 Jun, 2008, smk said:

    i think it was an attempt at being funny and sarcastic but faild miserably.

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  13. On 23 Jun, 2008, Rev. Jay said:

    I found this thread both amusing and sad: amusing that some people piss a buzz saw over the smallest things; sad that there is no overt recognition that the discussion itself is about the quality of human relations–a topic that should be at the center of any discussions about marriage–you know, where people promise to love, honor and care for each other . . . forever? Although a couple of you are on the right track, I didn’t see these values expressed anywhere. Maybe we could elevate the conversation a little?

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  14. On 23 Jun, 2008, Rev. Jay said:

    Oh! I forgot to mention that the premise of the blog entry title is false; external events do not turn anyone into anything. We all have the choice of how to respond in every situation–if we (our true selves, not the ego) take the time to truly consider what is happening.

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  15. On 03 Jul, 2008, Josiejo said:

    Well, it made me laugh. But maybe that’s my English sense of humour? Lighten up, people! Of course getting married is a serious commitment requiring maturity blah blah, but it also requires a sense of humour surely? And as I am discovering, PLANNING A WEDDING is a very different thing to BEING MARRIED and for some of us IT’S VERY STRESSFUL! So thanks for brightening up my day, Bridezilla!

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  16. On 10 Aug, 2008, Natasha McElroy said:

    I have been watching this show faithfully for the last year I recently got married July 10 of this year and this show really disgust me as a black woman that every black couple that appears on the show has to humiliate themselves in order to be be on the show and you get your ratings I am currently watching a episode where before the show started we are reminded that this couple is overdrawn on their account and their credit card is maxed out getting married is suppose to be special and happy, why any in DETAIL would you continue to remind the viewers of how stupid you are having a wedding that you can not afford. I know this may sound like I am over reacting but as a african american women I do not agree this is not the first nor the second time the show have showed black people degrading themselves for a free honeymoon and five minutes of fame.

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  17. On 10 Aug, 2008, Bossy said:

    I LMAO every time I catch an episode of your white trailer trash and your Ghetto fabulous weddings…How friggin embarrassing and trashy….hahahah. This show is so friggin scripted and phony…of course some of these brides over do it cause the camera is on them….LAME LAME LAME

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  18. On 06 Jun, 2009, Not going to my Sons weding due to bridezilla said:

    I’m dealing with a bridezilla who thinks everyone should drop everything to accommodate her one day. Having planned a wedding myself, I’m sorry gals, but it’s ONE FLIPPING DAY. Get over yourselves. Someone needs to inform control-freak brides (much like the one that made THIS site) that your wedding day doesn’t give you an all-access pass to treat people like crap and whine about every little thing that doesn’t go your way. If you’re an adult getting married, this should be a no-brainer. Otherwise, time to rethink whether or not you have the gall and maturity for that lifelong commitment that is marriage. Get your priorities straight and stop the whiny bellyaching.

    Reply to this comment
  19. On 11 Jun, 2009, allie said:

    it’s so sad… so so sad..
    when a bride thinks that the world revolves around her.
    HELLO, there’s TWO people getting married. TWO families joining as one.
    Come on people. get your head out of your you know whats.
    marriage and life isn’t about that “one day”.

    Reply to this comment
  20. On 15 Jun, 2009, Blue said:

    Dear Bridezilla,
    F**k you.
    Love,
    About to be happily married with none of your factors lawyer lady.
    PS- You know you want my number when you’re gettin’ divorced!

    Reply to this comment
  21. On 02 Sep, 2009, sunny bride said:

    It was not supposed to be a joke?
    Hey folks, it’s only a joke, ok? People who get truly angry needs serious help…

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  22. On 12 Nov, 2009, Amy said:

    LMAO this list is funny as, and yeh i agree with most of it. all u fucks on here complaining about how gay the thread is… go to a different website and post ur own shit u fucks
    -Amy, 20 female adelaide australia

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  23. On 30 Dec, 2009, YouSaidSister! said:

    This is the best bridal site I’ve been on in months!! Congratulations to the writer of this hilarious blog!! And What Amy said!

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  24. On 24 Mar, 2010, Madz said:

    Wow, I thought this was awesome, apparently some people take everything way to seriously. 2-5,and 8-10 are so correct. Think about it, Wedding Barbie-studies show that most women dream of looking like barbie, she is considered the hottest of the hot, what do we play with as little girls?? The groom’s pansy lack of involvement-my fiance is highley involved just to shut me up in the long run! Wedding Vendors, a.k.a the White Mafia trying to screw us out of every cent-look at face prices, look at the bill, and all the hidden fees, I havent gotten far into the wedding planning and I am already broke! Bridal Boot camps-ok maybe over done, however we work our butts off to look perfect for the big day, and I know I have been put down a lot because of it, and I know some people have barley noticed, it kind of hurts.Stupid wedding dress sizes telling you that you’re an eight when you are a six-we work our behinds off to lose weight, and although we know we have based on how our everyday clothes fit, it can sometimes still be painful to see the size 10 on the dress when your a size 5/6 in every other outfit you own-sometimes even including bridesmaids dresses-ouch! Martha Stewart-were expected to be creative because she is, and many other women are, but some people just dont have it. Not having a big enough ring, even though you have already figured out from jewelry commercials that the size of your ring is an exact correlation to the amount your groom loves and cares about you.-although this is not true at all it is def. a much used marketing tatic to try to get women to push for bigger rings in order to see how much they are loved, and for some people it works, however I am just thrilled to soon be the wife of my fiance, my ring is huge, but I would be happy with anything.

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  25. On 30 Apr, 2010, Happy Me said:

    Any stupid bitch who really thinks a ring matters, should NOT be getting married. It’s a RING. Who gives a shit?
    And why does the groom have to do anything? It’s usually the stupid female (and I happen to be one, not stupid though) who wants the big white moronic wedding just so she can show off to the world. I wouldn’t expect my soon-to-be-husband to do a damn thing except sit back and relax.

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