A Grumpy Groom sounds off on Bridezilla Syndrome

Posted by on 23 Mar, 2007

In America, marriage is taken for granted as something that you just “do”. You leave college, get married and start a family.
We see the same scene in movie after movie. Family seated in rows with an aisle splitting the bride and the groom’s sides. A pedestal at the front with some sort of priest or pastor, and then the wedding march plays. Till death do you part, you may kiss the bride, etc. Rice throwing and running to a limo with cans tied to it. Why? What does it mean?


I guarantee you if you ask any bride what half of the symbolism of her lavish wedding means, she won’t know. Or even care. So she happily accepts a horribly overpriced precious gem for her finger and changes her last name. These are all archaic practices that I believe people need to start questioning.
A ridiculous amount of money is spent on this one day. It’s just one day! Not even a full day! Usually it’s just the afternoon and the evening! Your money and time can be better spent by actually thinking critically about your commitment to your partner and what fits you best.
My wife and I do not nor have we ever ascribed to the mainstream idea that marriage is something that every little prince and princess is entitled to from birth. We’ve dated since high school and of course we love each other immensely, but we never needed that societal affirmation of our love.
We never wanted to be the center of attention, and the idea of a big wedding was not only financially prohibitive, it was just plain garish. We got married in our living room, with a few close friends, our certificate signed by our Universal Life Church-certified roommate (also available for Bar Mitzvahs, store openings and ship christenings).
During school we saw many friends fall into the same strange tradition of the bride planning her magical “best day of her life”. Being born in the 80s “me” generation, we have been told over and over again that we are beautiful and unique snowflakes, and that we each deserve our individual dream wedding.
If you absolutely must have a ceremony, think about why you are celebrating. Do you want to have your friends and family in attendance for their acceptance of the relationship? Are they there for purely selfish reasons, a gaudy exhibition of your love? Why are you having it in a church? Do you completely ascribe to the church’s ideals surrounding marriage? Why are you spending five thousand dollars on monogrammed napkins? Why are you changing your last name? Whose last name are you taking, and does that make it seem like that person owns you?
To me marriage is a symbol of excess, not love. It’s a symbol of tradition gone wild – so wild that we don’t even know why we celebrate it anymore. I propose that when you plan your wedding, think objectively about every step. Think about your global impact beyond yourself. Can you still have a nice party with half the budget? Perhaps a better celebration of your love and commitment to one another – the start of your new life together – would be to donate half the money you would have spent to a good cause.
Marriage is an outdated concept that is being put into question every day in the political sector, why not take this opportunity to redefine what marriage means to you? I believe the world would be a better place (and the divorce rates would go way down) if people just stopped to think about why they are adhering so rigidly to all these traditions. Think objectively about every step in life and you’ll be a better person (and spouse) for it.

Leave a Comment

  1. On 25 Jul, 2007, Marion said:

    I am really glad that your wife found you. That way you aren’t trying to rob some woman who wants all of that beauty involved in a real wedding.

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  2. On 24 Aug, 2007, tom said:

    i agree with many of your points,but remember that a wedding and marriage are 2 different things.certainly,weddings are frequently overblown,but marriage should be taken very seriousy..inviting close friends and family is sharing ,not looking for affirmation..marriage,by definition is a social contract,otherwise,youre just in a relationship… a commitment to marry is a legal,moral and social statement..

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  3. On 05 Sep, 2007, Anonymous said:

    a wedding is something most girls dream of and is her one day to feel like a princess, the dress the flowers and all that good stuff..its something i feel should be embraced because you are declaring to not only each other, but the world your love for one another!
    ___ but like they say everyone has an their own opinion!!

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  4. On 14 May, 2008, Brittany said:

    It is NOT JUST ONE DAY! Why do people say that?! That’s like saying that it is equal with other days, that what you’re doing on your wedding day has the same value as every other day. How can anyone who understands the sacredness and commitment of marriage view it as “just one day”. It is the day when you decide to make it official in front of your friends, family, and God that you have chosen to become each other’s lover, friend, and family forever.
    As for being able to guarantee that “if you ask any bride what half of the symbolism of her lavish wedding means, she won’t know. Or even care.” How the hell do you know. Just because you don’t seem to know or care doesn’t mean no one else does.
    Marriage is not tradition run wild, it is a timeless tradition of a celebration of love and the joining of two lives and two families. People invite their friends and family to their wedding because when you decide to join you life with the man or woman you love, you want those closest to you to be there to share in your joy. You want to CELEBRATE. Of course we know what we’re celebrating, OUR MARRIAGE!! duh
    Marriage is not an “outdated concept”. It is a timeless tradition and a sacred ordinance. And since when did people in the “political sector” start being right about much of anything?
    So go ahead and question the so-called “archaic practices” if you want. Obviously to you, your marriage was “just one day”, no more important that any other day. But don’t that put that on those who understand the cause for celebration just because you don’t get it.

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  5. On 17 Dec, 2009, Elena said:

    Money attempts to disguise itself as love in these over-the-top fiascoes. I’m not to judge…but these types of weddings have nothing to do with who I am or my infinite love for THE person in my life.
    What is there to prove, especially when love can’t be mimicked?
    Its internal…spiritual…unexplainable. A wedding could only hope to come as close this beautiful phenomena.
    I only dream to create my wedding true to myself, the love of my life, and the most important people in it.
    Thank you for your article.

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