7 Celebrity Couples Who Said ‘I Don’t’

Posted by on 31 Jul, 2012

Diamond Engagement Ring

It’s never a happy event when an engagement ends.  All that initial excitement and promise turns to just so much dust, often leaving at least one of the participants shell-shocked and disappointed.  Of course, when the partners are celebrities, the rest of us can’t help but feel a bit of schadenfreude at their misfortune.

Below are 7 of the most noteworthy failed celebrity engagements.  Enjoy.

Gwyneth Paltrow & Brad Pitt

They made “Se7en,” her head ended up in a box, the rest is history.  Now hooked up with Angelina Jolie and Chris Martin respectively, Brad and Gwyneth were just too beautiful to last.  Like looking at the sun, you needed a pinhole camera to keep from being blinded.

Why we hope it ended:  The Curse of the Matching Haircut (a Nancy Drew mystery).

Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck

The train wreck known at “Bennifer” was a tabloid bonanza culminating in Ben’s Miami Vice makeover and music videos of him (literally) kissing her posterior.  The spotlight proved too hot, however, and these A-listers went their separate ways much to the chagrin of hungry paparazzi everywhere.

Why we hope it ended:  He finally saw “Money Train.”

Katie Holmes & Chris Klein

Before TomKat, there was ChriKat – yeah, definitely not the same ring.  And speaking of rings, Katie probably had to return hers, which was fine because, considering the reception of “American Reunion,” Chris Klein could really use the money.

Why we hope it ended:  He refused to jump on couches for her.

Heather Locklear & Jack Wagner

Heather Locklear of “Melrose Place,” “TJ Hooker” and “Spin City” fame hooked up with longtime friend Jack Wagner (“The Bold and the Beautiful”) and sparks flew!  Angels sighed!  Amazing hair ensued!  But then they broke up, proving all the mousse in the world can’t keep affection in place.

Why we hope it ended:  They couldn’t decide who was less relevant.

Kat Von D & Jesse James

In the aftermath of his failed marriage to America’s sweetheart, Jesse James set up house with the world’s most famous tattooed lady.  Fortunately for her, the relationship proved less permanent than her LA Ink.

Why we hope it ended:  Um, ‘cause God loves Sandra Bullock.  Duh.

Bristol Palin & Levi Johnston

Who saw this coming?  They seemed like such a genuine, mature couple!  Apparently, Bristol didn’t see much “value” in this “family” (see what I did there?) and kicked Levi to the curb, leading him to spill some dirt on his would-be in-laws.

Why we hope it ended: Levi wouldn’t stop addressing Sarah Palin as “MILF.”

Evan Rachel Wood & Marilyn Manson

A girl with a boy’s name, a boy with a girl’s name – happily ever after, right?  It sure looked that way… but like a Baby Ruth candy bar, suddenly it was over, leaving us dissatisfied and alone.

Why we hope it ended:  She was just too weird for him.

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