How to Distinguish Between Cold Feet and the Real Thing

Posted by on 02 Aug, 2007

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Even the most dedicated Bridezilla might occasionally feel pre-wedding jitters; it’s a natural part of the wedding process. With the constant battle of wills between the wedding planner’s ego and your own, wrestling the guest list down to the family members you like and the friends that invited you to theirs, and the crucial life decision of pale pink roses or stargazer lilies, you’d think you wouldn’t have time to doubt whether or not you should even have this wedding, but you will. But are you fantasizing about elopement or calling off the wedding entirely?


If your thoughts are turning more toward fleeing the ceremony alone than hand-in-hand with your fiance, now’s the time to stop and take a step back. Get your favorite Mont Blanc pen and Tiffany stationery and write out a list of reasons you don’t want this wedding to happen, and if they include any of the following? It’s not just cold feet, honey, it’s Bridezilla instinct: call up the husband-to-be and let him know immediately that it’s not happening and it’s not going to.
Call it off immediately if:
He’s emotionally or physically abusive.
We don’t even need to say this, right? Not only should you not marry him, you should get a restraining order. We paid a lot for this nose, no man will ever break it, thank you. If he’s attacking you without fists, that too is grounds enough for a breakup. Your future husband should make you feel good about yourself, first and foremost – if he’s making you feel less than fabulous, you need to get out and finding someone deserving of your amazing ‘zilla self.

He doesn’t put you first.
We’re not saying you should never compromise (as an absolute last resort if you can’t get your way, ahem), but if you feel like you’re taking second place to his job, his family, his friends, etc, get out of there! He should be polishing your Bridezilla pedestal on the daily, or at the very least reminding you that you’re the only one for him. He’s spending the rest of his life living with and loving you, not his golf buddies or his mom or his boss (because that would all be really awkward), and if you can’t get that through his skull maybe calling off the wedding will be just the wakeup call he needs.
Your friends hate him. Hint: if you confide in a close friend that you’re thinking of calling it off and you can tell she’s holding back the urge to cheer aloud, your instincts are probably correct. Once we get out of high school, we seem to forget the Sassy-sanctioned advice that guys come and go, but friends are forever! If your girls can’t be convinced that this guy is the one for you, you might want to take a closer look at him yourself. Just because you’re not going to propose to your BFF since grade school doesn’t mean you should trade her and the rest of your beffies in for one guy.
He’s addicted, and we don’t mean to playing Grand Theft Auto or having the latest Dior Homme jeans (though money permitting, we’d object to the second less than the first). We all enjoy a good cocktail or weekend in Atlantic City, but if your monthly Coach bag budget matches his bi-monthly Johnny Walker stipend, think twice. You should be his number one priority, not whether or not his dealer is in town, so if he’s addicted to something other than you, put the ceremony off until he’s rehabbed and ready to be addicted to you and only you.

He wants kids, you don’t, or the other way around.
If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to know whether or not you want to spread your Bridezilla progeny throughout the greater metropolitan areas of the world. Since you can’t exactly compromise and have half a kid, call this one off before one of you denies the other something potentially really important.
You expect this marriage to solve something. If you think a marriage certificate will make him settle down or you stop cheating or something else equally unlikely, think again. In reality, it’ll just make the problems more damaging.
You just know it’s wrong. You listened to your instincts when they said to buy that last Marc Jacobs dress in your size before someone else snapped it up, and you were right to do so. If your mind is throwing you nothing but doubts, listen! And once you’ve cancelled the wedding, go back and get the matching Marc shoes as a reward for being true to yourself.

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