Posted by jade on 07 May, 2008
Due to our overwhelming response to the post “Domestic Policy: Are Dreams the New Dowry,” Bridezilla presents this follow-up article called “Wedding Vows to Make to Yourself.” The theory here is that while many women may have a hard time stomaching the thought of expressing their deepest dreams and thoughts with decisive firmness to their spouse, most brides do understand the intense, sacred nature of vows and how once you say them, they must be upheld. On that note, before you go down the aisle and pledge love and loyalty to your partner, make these vows to yourself first! We promise you will be a happier, healthier bride until death do you part!
6 Vow to make a list of your Three Inalienables.
Can’t stomach the thought of moving to Albuquerque? Loathe cats? Don’t want kids,ever? Make a list of the three most important things to you in a marriage, and vow never to have them be part of your life. Keep the list handy for when a big post-marriage decision comes up and you need a good ole’ “sense of self” check. It’s true that marriage is about picking your battles, and by protecting the things that are most important to you, you will feel like you are still in control of you life-with the added bonus of a loving mate!
5 Vow to get comfortable with ultimatums.
Ultimatums are very underrated! Guys use them all the time. (Enter the typical “romantic” scenario in which the wounded bachelor leaves saying “I love you, but this is who I am.” or demands “I have to be with you. Leave the job behind and move to Brooklyn with me.” When you think about it, much romantic language is basically just ultimatums, so don’t think of them as the deathknell of your relationship. If something your partner is asking you to do breaks one of your personal codes of is really going to rock your world in a negative way, say no! Do not just “get over it.” Men are happier in marriages because they don’t have the whole guilt complex of having to make the other person happy. They understand that by making themselves happy, they are better partners. Women need to realize this as well!
4 Vow to hold yourself accountable to your dreams.
Don’t let those grad schools dreams taper off into a GED just because you got married! That is such a cliche. With two incomes and increased emotional support, you should be more equipped to accomplish your life goals than ever. Talk about the big dreams you have for your life, openly and often, so that others will hold you accountable to achieving them. Make a “DreamMap” and mount it on your wall. Talk to your bridesmaids at the wedding and have them solemnly swear to pester you monthly about that vineyard you wanted to buy or that bicycle tour of France you wanted to train for. Whatever you have to do to make sure you are personally fulfilled (and incidentally a great wife!).
3 Vow to have girlfriends.
We all know those sad souls whose “social life” consists of their husband’s business colleagues and their couple friends. This does not an egalitarian marriage make! Girlfriends keep you in line, let you know when you are going way overboard (think SATC’s Carrie talking Miranda out of frosting Steve’s girlfriend’s cupcakes) and give you someone to giggle with over sex gone awry. Girlfriends are a shrewd and necessary barometer for any egalitarian marriage, helping you know when to scream with laughter over brunch or scream and call the divorce lawyer. Get some and keep ’em!
2 Vow to amuse yourself.
The ability to delight, inspire and provoke yourself into cackling gales of glee is an essential skill that will serve you well during the dry patches of marriage, not to mention when you have children. Groomzilla often comes home to find Miss B sagged against the wall wiping her tears of laughter over some private amusement, to his quizzical terror.The point is of course, that you are responsible for your own happiness, even after you are married. A rich Inner Life is something every wise wife must master!
1 Vow to accept help from your hubby.
You do have to be accountable for your own dreams and values. You do not have to do everything. If your Groomzilla has a passion for real estate and you don’t, let him handle the house hunting. If he’s the superior cook and you’re better at balancing the budget, embrace it! That’s the beauty of marriage, so do what works for you and don’t worry about gender roles or “doing it all.”