Posted by Bridezilla on 05 Mar, 2010
You’re a strong, confident bridezilla, about to strut down the aisle. But there’s another woman getting in your way. We’re not talking about his sophisticated coworker with the always-perfect coif or your back-stabbing bridesmaid, doing her duties while eying your guy.
We’re talking about his mom.
I’m the first one to snicker at the sight of a grown man walking hand-and-hand with mommy dearest. But being married to a mama’s boy isn’t funny. Your groomzilla should make you number one from day one or you’ll have real marital problems. Expect them to begin on the honeymoon, when she calls him just to “check in.”
There’s still time to turn around. Here’s how to spot a mama’s boy from a mile away!
10 Real Signs Your Man is a Mama’s Boy
10. Refuses to move out of mom’s house
If he’s over 25, it’s a problem. I don’t care if he lost his job because of the economy or that mommy needs him. If he’s living at home with the ‘rents and doesn’t have any plans to move out or pay rent- he’s not a keeper; he’s a throwback. Sure, he loves mom’s lasagna (don’t we all) but that’s no reason to sacrifice independence, dignity, and privacy.
Kick him to the curb. Wait – you can’t because he’s still living under his mother’s eagle-sized wing. Just dump him.
9. Mama is all up in bridezilla’s business
Most moms are curious about their son’s girlfriends. But curiosity doesn’t mean peeping through your blinds, stalking you on dates, or getting your social security number so she could do a “brief” background check.
That’s a sure sign of trouble on the horizon. But if she does all of the above and your guy let’s her get away with it – don’t walk away, run.
8. He starts every sentence with “well, my mom says”
Blossoming into a full-fledged, mortgage paying adult isn’t easy and it doesn’t come with a manual. His mom has a few more gray hairs than you, shouldn’t you listen to her about when to have kids, where to get your hair cut, and what house to buy? Absolutely not!
If he can’t make a major decision without calling his mother, he’s a mama’s boy. Sure, she has more life experience under her Dolce and Gabbana belt. But it’s your marriage and all major decisions should be made between the two of you, not the three of you.
7. He didn’t stick up for you that time she called you [insert insult here]
The laws of marriage say that the groom should put the insult-slinging in-law promptly in their place. If she’s calling you fat and he’s not immediately coming to your defense, retract your wedding venue deposit today.
Bridezilla commandment 4: Thou shalt not let the in-laws insult the bride!
6. She cleans your house without your permission
It’s the most egregious mother-in-law crimes. She arrives unannounced with a bucket full of cleaning supplies wearing neon-yellow rubber gloves. She claims she’s just here to “tidy up” and your guy treats her like a scrubbing savior.
She’s doing it because she believes her cleaning skills are infinitely better than bridezilla’s!
Adults don’t need their parents to pick up after them. If he (or you) allows this to continue, this also fits into bridezilla’s top 10 signs you’re too young to get married.
5. When mom says jump…
Mama’s boys are the spawn of highly manipulative momzillas. These moms thrive on getting their sons to do stuff at inopportune times and if he dare say no, they throw a level-10 tantrum.
Momzilla: Can you come over and fix my stove?
Mama’s Boy: Yes…eerr wait — bridezilla has a doctor’s appointment
Momzilla: What? My broken stove is way more important than her broken leg. Who else can I call…I have no one!
Mama’s Boy: I’ll be right there.
4. The way they interact gives you the chills
Has your guy and his mom ever starred in a musical together? Sung the Wind Beneath My Wings as a mother-son duet? Does she still comb his hair or cut up his steak?
If she’s overbearing, over-affectionate, and their interactions remind you of your once-favorite-now-all-too-familiar Greek play, you need to turn this wedding parade around. The apron strings are more like prison chains and he’ll be hers for life.
3. He tells her everything. EVERYTHING
After a certain age, you stop telling your parents everything. His mother doesn’t need to know how much is in your bank account, if the two of you are planning on producing her a grandchild, or how much your bartender gig pays.
She can ask. You don’t have to tell her. And neither does he.
2. He treats you like a maid
She’s cooked for him, cleaned for him, and made his bed for years. Now you’ll have to do it. Because he’s incapable of taking care of himself. He’s a man-child through and through.
You’re his wife. Not his mom. He no longer needs the lady of the house cleaning up his crumbs or making him four-course meals after a 10-hour workday.
1. Their relationship reminds you of…
- Trey and Bunny Vick’s Vapor Rub weirdness in Sex and the City
- Buster and Mother in Arrested Development
- Edward Gaines (the real-life Psycho)