Posted by Bridezilla on 21 May, 2009
You don’t want her in your wedding party anymore. Maybe she was laid off and you want to spare her the cost of those Vera Wang bridesmaid gowns. Maybe she refused to cover her giant skull-and-snake tattoo or dye her hair from bubble-gum pink back to brown before the Big Day. Maybe she’ll be eight-months pregnant, and you don’t want her waddling down the aisle, stealing attention from you with her baby bump and pregnancy glisten.
Years ago, I was demoted from Maid of Honor to mere first-to-walk bridesmaid and without just cause. The bride asked me in the early planning stages to be her Maid of Honor. Months later, after she got a new best friend, she asked “Do you still want to be a um… bridesmaid?” Ouch. I performed my bridesmaid duties, but with the bitter taste in my mouth, I could barely enjoy the wedding cake much less muster a smile.
There is a proper way to break up with your bridesmaid. And it doesn’t involve back-talking, text messages, or a tear-filled scene straight out of Mean Girls. Read on and learn how to let a girl go, bridezilla style.
Choose carefully. Once you send her a Will You Be My Bridesmaid Card, you can’t take it back. Choose your wedding party the way the President picks his Cabinet. Is she your best friend through thick and thin or just some girl you met at the bus stop? Can she meet a bridezilla’s constant-and-often-times thankless demands? Is she excited about your wedding or awash in envy?
Never fire in front of other bridesmaids. If you have to give your bridesmaid the bridezilla boot, do it in private. Don’t embarrass her in front of the other girls. Anticipate a tantrum? Take her to lunch or the library and she’ll be “ssshed” if she tries to make a scene. It’s the oldest trick in the break-up book.
Tell it to her straight. Resist the urge to drunkenly text your bridesmaid, “U R not in my wedding party anymore.” Be strong and direct, say “I’d like you to step down as a bridesmaid.” Then give her the reason why: “Comparing the guy I’m about to marry to a less-cute Gary Busey is unacceptable.” Or “When I ask you to do something, you move at the rate of a three-toed sloth.” Follow it up with “I hope we can still be friends and that you’ll attend the wedding as a guest.”
Prepare for fallout Hurt feelings and humiliation from being asked to step down almost ruined my longtime relationship with “the Demoter”. When you ask a bridesmaid to resign, you put your friendship on the chopping block. Don’t be surprised if she throws your wedding gown into a bonfire or turns her rage into a revenge blog (ahem). See if you could resolve the situation before it calls for a firing. Let her go as a very last resort.