Posted by doug on 14 Jan, 2011
“Whatever you want.”
Every time I hear a wedding vendor utter those words, it makes me want to elope. I was at a major wedding show over the weekend, and every time I asked a question, an unwed vendor with a bubbly attitude and gummy smile shot this canned response at me.
I know that you know I’m planning for my “special day” and the veteran sales lady at your company told you to say anything to “help make my dream come true,” but I’ve got news for you.
I don’t know what I’m doing. None of us do.
I can gaze over every page of every wedding magazine since spring 2006 and still not know the first thing about early fall seasonal flowers in the Pacific Northwest. That’s why I’ve come to you Mr./Mrs. Wedding Vendor. You are my expert. You are the reason I paid $17 dollars at the door. To seek your worldly advice.
Because when I do ask if you have custom cake designs on your portfolio, and you tell me you can “make anything I want” without any actual answer, you make me feel like you’re not an expert and I should bag this charade and head to Vegas.
Wedding Questions Bridezilla Needs Answered
Just like every bride, I’m on a limited budget, I’m running out of time and I’m overwhelmed by vendors who are too cautious to give me answers to these questions:
- Should my flower girl and junior bridesmaid wear the same type of dress? Have you ever seen/done that before? Will it look ridiculous?
- Do all tuxedo rentals come in one-size-fits-most?
- Do all groomsmen have to wear the same tuxedo? Why?
- What’s the best way to make my groomsmen not look like they’re scoping for sixteen year old prom dates?
- What are some unique song options to play during the recessional? Can a string quartet play Al Green?
- What are the most successful dance songs to get everyone on the floor?
- When you have other options for your catering menu, what are they? What worked well, what didn’t?
- If I supply my own alcohol, do I really need to pay you to open every bottle?
- Without diving deep into botany, which flowers are in season for my wedding?
- Do you have any recommendations for a non-traditional bouquet toss?
- How much do bouquets cost, roughly? What if I can track down my own flowers?
- If my mom wants to wear a red rose/baby’s breath corsage, can you be the one to tell her she’s not going to prom? (This is an actual problem I’m having)
- Do I really need to include the directions in my invitation? Will it make it any cheaper? Seriously, I don’t want anyone coming to my wedding who doesn’t know how to Google (start learning now, Grandma).
- What’s the total invitation cost for 100 people? With RSVP cards? With envelopes? Without my initials cut-out of scented, glitter tissue paper?
Think you’ve got a solution for a Bridezilla in need? If you are an expert wedding vendor, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can highlight your company along with your helpful hint.