“Whatever you want.”
Every time I hear a wedding vendor utter those words, it makes me want to elope. I was at a major wedding show over the weekend, and every time I asked a question, an unwed vendor with a bubbly attitude and gummy smile shot this canned response at me.
I know that you know I’m planning for my “special day” and the veteran sales lady at your company told you to say anything to “help make my dream come true,” but I’ve got news for you.
I don’t know what I’m doing. None of us do.
I can gaze over every page of every wedding magazine since spring 2006 and still not know the first thing about early fall seasonal flowers in the Pacific Northwest. That’s why I’ve come to you Mr./Mrs. Wedding Vendor. You are my expert. You are the reason I paid $17 dollars at the door. To seek your worldly advice.
Because when I do ask if you have custom cake designs on your portfolio, and you tell me you can “make anything I want” without any actual answer, you make me feel like you’re not an expert and I should bag this charade and head to Vegas.
Wedding Questions Bridezilla Needs Answered
Just like every bride, I’m on a limited budget, I’m running out of time and I’m overwhelmed by vendors who are too cautious to give me answers to these questions:
Attire
- Should my flower girl and junior bridesmaid wear the same type of dress? Have you ever seen/done that before? Will it look ridiculous?
- Do all tuxedo rentals come in one-size-fits-most?
- Do all groomsmen have to wear the same tuxedo? Why?
- What’s the best way to make my groomsmen not look like they’re scoping for sixteen year old prom dates?
Entertainment
- What are some unique song options to play during the recessional? Can a string quartet play Al Green?
- What are the most successful dance songs to get everyone on the floor?
Food
- When you have other options for your catering menu, what are they? What worked well, what didn’t?
- If I supply my own alcohol, do I really need to pay you to open every bottle?
Flowers
- Without diving deep into botany, which flowers are in season for my wedding?
- Do you have any recommendations for a non-traditional bouquet toss?
- How much do bouquets cost, roughly? What if I can track down my own flowers?
- If my mom wants to wear a red rose/baby’s breath corsage, can you be the one to tell her she’s not going to prom? (This is an actual problem I’m having)
Invitations
- Do I really need to include the directions in my invitation? Will it make it any cheaper? Seriously, I don’t want anyone coming to my wedding who doesn’t know how to Google (start learning now, Grandma).
- What’s the total invitation cost for 100 people? With RSVP cards? With envelopes? Without my initials cut-out of scented, glitter tissue paper?
Think you’ve got a solution for a Bridezilla in need? If you are an expert wedding vendor, email me at [email protected] and we can highlight your company along with your helpful hint.
Attire:
*I have seen flower girls and jr. bridesmaids in the same style of dress which can be a very cute touch. If your bridesmaids are dressed the same this may be a good way to keep the transition of your style going. If your bridesmaids have similar style or color dresses, but are more custom you may want to do this with the jr. bridesmaids and flower girls.
In my opinion, a larger wedding party might look better with a more uniform style and keep the focus on your special day.
*Groomsmen are not required to wear the same, but again you don’t want too much focus on the groomsmen and not enough on the bride and groom.
There are elegant ways to add some uniqueness to their attire such as giving them a small tasteful splash of color or a unique boutonniere.
*All tuxedo rentals do not come in one size fit all. In fact, many of the national men’s suit chains offer close to tailored fits. You may want to check out Men’s Warehouse or Michaels Formalwear. Besides do you really want the guys to look like they’re one size fit all?
*Keeping the groomsmen in age-appropriate and style compatible looks that match your wedding style is a terrific approach to prevent the “prom date wedding” look. Avoid using outdated styles and outrageous colors. Remember their style should compliment not overpower yours or your grooms.
*As far as your mom’s corsage goes, try to remind her that although it is your day, it’s important to you that she looks absolutely amazing. Then after you butter her up some, show her your favorite most dazzling choices for her corsage.
Food:
*Offering seafood and pasta with a white or butter sauce worked well at a budget wedding I planned in Key West. No matter what, I would definitely stay away from choices with red sauces or other staining items. A big hit for some of the events I’ve coordinated is having a variety of hor-d’oeuvre options during cocktail hour prior to the reception. Having a few tasty pre meal options puts a little less pressure on the dinner menu.
Flowers:
Although I don’t live in the Northwestern region, I do know that depending on the exact time of fall there are many attractive and budget friendly choices such as alstomeria, daisies, chrysanthemums,but you may want to fill the bouquet by using a small amount of pricier flowers and textured plants like lilies, shampoo ginger, shraspedia, or dusty miller. These can add an extraordinary bang of color and texture to your arrangements while staying in season.
I’d love to help you with any other ideas or questions, so for a more straightforward, but gentle approach email me at [email protected].
I hope you have the day you’ve dreamed of.
Sincerely,
Demetria
Very helpful post! Just break down your thoughts and answer the questions.And for saving the budget on flowers,try buying flowers from the wholesale and use flowers with big blooms, the few of which could substitute the bunch of smaller flowers.
Thank you for sharing!
As a wedding cake designer/baker, I always tell my brides to simplify their choices. I know they have seen the Sylvia Weinstock and Ron Ben Israel cakes in the magazines, but those cakes take A LOT of time and A LOT of money. Those people have 10, 20, even 30 people working on one cake. I ask my brides what they like about a cake, what they don’t, and what they want the cake to do (do they want it to be a centerpiece of the reception, do they want it to be an awesome dessert, or do they want it to add to the overall theme of the reception/wedding).
Here’s my advice:
Simplify your options. Once you have an idea of what colors, designs, and flavors you want, visit your baker and let them be the ones to design your cake. They are the professionals. Same with the florist, same with the musicians. Get your colors, general ideas, and any special touches that you want and then let the professionals help guide you. If you have a vendor that always replies with “Whatever you want,” or “We can do anything,” or “I know what I’m doing. I don’t need suggestions, because this is my vision….etc” then you need to run. That is why you have consultations. You want a vendor that will gently steer you towards a more realistic idea but at the same time, is willing to let you have your vision and work with you towards it. One more thing: be realistic. More than likely, you aren’t a millionaire, so don’t expect all the bells and whistles of a celebrity wedding when you don’t have the unlimited funds to make it happen.
As far as your questions specifically:
Flower girls and junior bridesmaids can wear the same style dress, they can wear different dresses. It is up to you. Take them to a local bridal shop and try the same style dress on both of them and see how it works. If it works, great, if it doesn’t put them in something different but still flattering to them and the wedding.
Most tuxedos come in a few sizes fit most. The band in the pants is adjustable up to a fairly large waist. The custom fit comes into play with the length. Most places just tack the bottom hem of the pants and all they have to do is just let it out when the guy is measured. That is most cases, but not all. It depends on the designer of the tux and it depends on the shop.
Most groomsmen wear the same thing because it just looks better. You can give them options of a little bit different of boutonniere, but really, if you have seen one tux, you have pretty much seen them all. Can you really tell that big of a difference? Besides, if you have a more uniform look and it is an appropriate fit and age appropriate as well, you tend to side step that issue of looking too “prom-ish.”
Most string quartets are made up of professionals (hopefully). This means they have had an education in music. Most know how to transcribe a piece of music into a piece they can play, if they don’t have the music already. This also is specific to their talent level. FYI: if you want a way to cut costs on musicians, talk to your local college music departments and see if they have any musicians that are willing to play for less than a professional symphony musician.
As far as music to get the dance floor moving – talk to the DJ and get his take on the situation. Listen to the radio and see what is popular. Unfortunately, I think the “Chicken Dance,” “YMCA,” and the other stalwarts are here to stay.
Gone are the days where your caterer offers some sort of chicken dish with a congealed gravy, mashed glutatoes (potatoes with the consistency of glue), and some sort of limp bean. You can do anything with your food. I have had a customer combine her family’ heritage and food (Italian) and her husband’s family’s favorite food (barbecue). They had a few Italian dishes and they had some barbeque. It was unique and the food was delicious. If you are trying to cut costs, think of it this way. If you have too much food and too many choices, your guests are going to get confused. Pick one or two things and find a caterer that does them well. Pasta and seafood is always a good option, roasted beef is another good option. Chicken can work well, but don’t be afraid to play with it some. Hors d’ouvres are a fantastic option for a light cocktail hour or if you want to do heavier ones for the reception. I did the cake for a bride that had a heavy hors d’ouvres reception and had a small dinner at a nice restaurant for close family and the bridal party later.
Flowers – honey, I know nothing about them, but if you have a reputable florist, they can help you find flowers that can mimic the flowers you want, should your first choice be unavailable. Also, pick BIG blooms. That can make a bouquet look so gigantic and luxurious, but you are spending less money. I have told brides that want 6 dozen roses on their cakes that if they pick something like peonies or hydrangeas and then supplement with roses, then they can cut their flower budget for the cake. It looks good and it gives you what you want.
As far as your mom, tell her that you want her to wear something the flatters her and is unique. Be honest and remember, that if she says no, then you have to either make the decision and stand by it or you can let her have her red rose/baby’s breath corsage. If you stand by your decision, make sure to tell the florist that ALL changes have to come through you and nothing is to be changed without your consent. Unfortunately, some MOTB want to make this their second wedding. I had a client like that and I had to tell the MOTB that the bride was the one paying and the bride was the one with the final say.
Invitations: There are so many good crafty invitations out there that you can do for less than you can have them made. Pinterest.com is a good resource for crafts like that. Look at birthday invitations too. Don’t just stick with wedding invitations. Find something that is very neutral and dress it up yourself.
Good luck.