Bridezilla Finishing School: How to Sleep Like a Queen


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Winter is here, and to avoid looking like a wan albino weasel, you are going to need a lot of sleep to be wedding-fresh! Luckily, beauty sleep is one of Bridezilla’s top areas of expertise. In fact, we try to spend as much of our time as possible in a state of deep, lovely repose, all the better to deal with MIL-zilla and MOH-zilla when cruel morning comes. Below, a guide to doing the same.

Stellar Sleep Tip #1: Appropriately regal sheets. If you truly want to sleep like a Queen, the material of your sheets is key. Bridezilla prefers soft flannel in the winter and luscious jersey knit or Egyptian Cotton in the summer. If, like many Bridezillas, you prefer slumber in the buff, sheets are nothing to skimp on. Roll yourself in wonderful, yummy sheets and sleep like the chic cannoli you are.

Stellar Sleep Tip #2: Scented Slumber. Nothing heightens delicious, drowsy sleep like scented candles. In a study reported in the British Medical Journal Lancet, elderly patients slept “like babies” when a lavender aroma was wafted into their bedrooms at night. Surround yourself in these beauties for a decadent botanical bedtime. Bridezilla Bonus Tip: If you are worried about burning the palace down, try marrying a fireman or at least befriending the hot one that lives in your building. If one isn’t available, just make sure to stick to votives.

Stellar Sleep Tip #3: Booze and Bedtime Don’t Mix. We know it may seem counter-intuitive, but drinking yourself to sleep (while enjoyable!) does not lead to the deep stupor of sleep you might imagine. Stick to yummy herb tea before bed, lest your Groomzilla become horrified by the thrashing, gurgling frog-beast he married. We know it sounds Victorian but just buy a super-chic tea set to maintain your inner-vamp.

Stellar Sleep Tip #4: Expel your worries. Many Bridezilla use “sleep” as a euphemism for a night spent tossing and turning, agonizing over color schemes and promiscuous bridesmaids. This simply won’t do. To dispel nightly neurotics, try whispering your greatest wedding worry (ie “my weight” “my divorced parents”) right before you go to bed. Putting it out into the atmosphere, rather than keeping it in your head, is a good way to say goodnight to daily stresses.

You are getting sleepy….your bejeweled eyelashes are getting heavy…but keep reading!

Stellar Sleep Tip #5: Do it more. Try this: for two weeks, turn down (or cut out early) from three social activities in favor of going to bed at 9 p.m. We know we are all busy Bridezillas, but once you see how blooming and vibrant you feel with some extra z’s in your zilla artillery, you will accomplish tons more and feel fabulous.

Stellar Sleep Tip #6: Like lowlights and Godiva, the darker the better. To get sensational sleep, you really need to commit to utter darkness. Lower the blinds, close the curtains, and, if you’ve got a Groomzilla addicted to video games, invest in an eye mask. Bonus Bridezilla Tip: Try the caviar eye veil seen here.
Stellar Sleep Tip #7: The Princess and the Pea Principle. Contrary to popular Bridezilla lore, you cannot get organized for your wedding by osmosis. Furthermore, sleeping sprawled in a bed of bridal magazines tarnishes the Bridezilla name, as does waking up with catalog creases on your otherwise pristine complexion. No matter how tired you are, make sure to clear off your bed and sleep unfettered by pens, paper clips, pizza boxes, or, god forbid, peas.

Remember, sleep is one of the greatest luxuries you can get, and it doesn’t cost a thing. Curl up tonight and sleep like the queen you are, courtesy of

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