Bridezilla This Minute: The Non-Bouquet


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How much does Bridezilla love this glittery non-floral bouquet from Vintage Magpie? Let us count the ways! Not only does its crystalline brilliance beat the knickers off some wilted allergy-inducing batch o’ blooms, but it singlehandedly discourages one of our least favorite wedding traditions: tossing the bouquet.
Read on to discover why Bridezilla shuns this harmful ritual, as well as some great bouquet toss alternatives.

Why do we hate bouquet tosses, you ask? Simple! Because Dear Reader, before we were full-grown, able-bodied bridezillas, we were nothing but wee blushing bridesmaidzillas, some of us six or seven times over. And what was the WORST part of every wedding? Was it the horrible stiffneck dresses? Was it the frosted on makeup? Was it those garish fluorescent light photo booths? No!
It was the part when we, the single women in hoop skirts, were humiliated further by being herded out onto the dance floor and made to huddle like quarterbacks while the bride saucily hurtles her floral football into the air. Then, the hissing, biting, screaming psychotic episode begins. It is simply too much to ask! Bridezilla never comes out of a bouquet toss without sustaining at least a few permanent injuries, not because we’re even the tulip type per se, but because when push comes to shove, Bridezilla came to play.
So, if you wisely choose to spare your bridesmaids the ignominious horror that is the bouquet toss, here are a few other great traditions to embrace instead.
1) Toast Them. Tradition states that the MOH toast the Bride on the Big Day, but why not turn the tables and offer a few heartfelt cheers to the girls who made your big day glow with happiness and perfectly polished china? Hint: Limit the champagne before your speech gets flowing. You want sentimental, not sloppy and slurred.
2) Charm Them. We love the Victorian ribbon pulling ritual, which consists of a special bridesmaid cake with individual charms baked in, attached to ribbons. Each bridesmaid pulls a ribbon, and the charm attached is supposed to be a token of her future. We like this idea because it means each bridal party member moves forward on the wedding day, rather than the bride leaving her bridesmaids picking up the petals in her wedding wake (okay dramatic, but also true!).
3) Dance with Them. Rather than some drippy bouquet toss, call your girls out for a “ladies only” dance floor moment. Put on your posse’s favorite party song and have a moment to celebrate with your best women. One reader suggested piling your garters in the middle to dance around, and Bridezilla says, why stop there? Throw in the pantyhose, the spanx, and the granny panties and get down like you mean it. Allowing your bridesmaids this moment of unharnessed, fashion-free hedonism will make them far more grateful than the opportunity to cart around your day-old carnations. You have Bridezilla’s word on that.

3 thoughts on “Bridezilla This Minute: The Non-Bouquet”

  1. Brilliant! The ladies only dance at the reception. One last dance as a part of the single posse before you strut off to Wisteria Lane. Oh Yes

  2. I love that non-bouquet, and I am wanting to use very classical pearl jewelry for my big day and something like that non-bouquet would be perfect….the colors are amazing and it would just be a great compliment to the pieces. Plus I think all those ideas of NOT throwing the bouquet are perfect…cause I know I use to hate it!!!

  3. Bridesmaid ribbon cake is a great idea. It’s classy and subdued and a great substitute for the bouquet toss. It still covers the symbolic and future oriented bases and other futures besides marriage can be represented with those charms to symbolize all the new various goals women have in life that are not so wedding centered and not so “I gotta get married right now” desperate.
    Dancing with the girls however…um…me no likey. I think it will make an awkward moment for the Groom and his family to see the bride alluding to her single partying days at such a life changing and sometimes somber but always sacred event. Even though times have changed women do still get married and that person she marries and his family are important and should be respected and so should her own reputation. We wouldn’t like to see him have anything bachelor party oriented at the wedding reception,…would we? Save the last dance for the bachelorette party, where it can be partaken with absolute hedonistic abandon…and NO witnesses…;-)


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