We Pledge Allegiance To The Heels of The United States of Bridezilla


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A day in the life of a Bridezilla can take you through a variety of different and individually challenging situations, and you have to be well prepared (i.e. well dressed) for all of them. If you’ve ever been on the way to the florist’s to negotiate a better price on three dozen tiger lilies and realized that you’re wearing last season’s kitten heels that are totally wrong for bargaining in, worry no longer! Here are five pairs of shoes that’ll take you where you need to go, from brunch with the future mother-in-law to haggling at the flower shop, and deliver the not-to-be-trifled-with message once you’re there.

Brunch with the future mother-in-law: Strappy, sassy, and classy, these Delman heels (pictured above) are demure enough to convince the MIL you’re no floozy while the platform heels keep you perfectly in charge. The grandmother-in-law will be impressed too – Delman’s been around for years, so you know you’re getting something you can count on, unlike the gamble that is taking on the fiance’s whole entire family as your own.


Bargaining, haggling, and making deals: Bring out the devil in Miss B with these chili pepper red Marc by Marc Jacobs masterpieces. The combo of red suede and silver studs offers exactly what you need for easily convincing the wannabe robber barons of the wedding world that no, that’s not an acceptable price for 300 ice blue dyed cabbage roses, and you’ll either get the price you want or turn on your fabulous heel and leave.


Business, bridal and otherwise:If a little more diplomacy is in order (say, convincing your boss that a three-week honeymoon is not only perfectly normal, it’s an essential part of your job happiness and should therefore be covered by vacation time), back up your business suit with these cloud-grey suede Kate Spade platforms. While you may be afire with the injustice on the inside, you can get your way much more easily with a pair of serious heels to keep you grounded as you bargain down to two and a half weeks paid vacation and a promise to bring the CEO a box of chocolate-covered macadamias from the islands.


Bridezilla victory celebration: Successfully vanquished all foes standing in the way of your perfect wedding? Celebrating by strapping on these Marc by Marc Jacobs platforms and stomping on a few extra hearts, just for fun. Oh, just kidding – but this is your time to go out dancing, or at least get bottle service at your favorite club and reign over your Bridezilla empire while sipping Grey Goose cosmos with your bridesmaidzillas and assorted other BFFs/minions.


Being Bridezilla: You can’t be a ‘zilla without towering, so give yourself an extra inch or five to work with when you’re taking down entire cities with your “I said salmon pink and these tablecloths are pale rose!” wrath. We like the little heart buckles on these Betsey Johnson wedges, but most of all we like the way they make us feel: like there’s no one we can’t stomp beneath our mighty heel on the way to wedding perfection.

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