If you’re on this website, you’re probably familiar with WeTV’s giant hit “Bridezillas,” or as I like to call it, “Faming of the Shrew.” Each week a delusional trainwreck wreaks havoc on her fiancé, bridesmaids, florists, limo drivers, Mom and everyone else within her self-absorbed orb.
And while newer shows like “Toddlers & Tiaras” constantly drill new depths in reality TV horror, “Bridezillas” definitely got the bit spinning. Between cake smashes, bitchslaps and F-Bombs, these “ladies” may gussy up like classy debutantes, but routinely prove more scratch card than Black AmEx.
Below are 9 of our favorite “Bridezilla” clips – meltdowns encompassing updos, “$9 an hour” bouncers and future in-laws’ refusing to play Clue. And that last one isn’t made up.
The List
1. Michelle
The Problem: The bride has ordained that she will be the ONLY one who wears her hair down. One brave bridesmaid takes a stand.
The Solution: Physical altercation, chase on foot, demands!
Choice quote from the bride: “Why’s your hair down? Do you see Chrissy’s hair? Chrissy’s is up. Kimmy’s is up. Felicia’s is up. Yours is going up!”
2. Christina
The Problem: That is the cake she ordered, but not the cake she wanted.
The Solution: Smash the cake!
Choice quote from the bride: “Everything you say to me is like duh-duh-duh. I don’t hear a damn thing you’re saying – the only thing I hear is in my mind, saying ‘I want chocolate on my wedding day. I want chocolate on my wedding day.’ So get me the damn chocolate cake!”
3. Christina
The Problem: Mirror, Mirror on the wall… no one can look better than the bride!
The Solution: Lose the Spanx. Also, Bride imposes a weight minimum.
Choice quote from the bride: “You look really skinny in that dress.” “Thanks.” “That was not a compliment. That was a problem.”
4. Karen
The Problem: Poor, “lesser” people just don’t treat our bride with the deference she deserves.
The Solution: Be a total a-hole.
Choice quote from the bride: (mocking a less fortunate man on the street) “I’m poor! I’m standing on the side of the road because I make $9 an hour! And then on my side job, I clean the floors at McDonalds! Oh my God, then I go back to the house in the projects.”
5. Porsha
The Problem: The potential appearance of the groom’s ex.
The Solution: Verbal assault via voicemail.
Choice quote from the bride: “You are not invited to my wedding so don’t you even come. Don’t even come. ‘Cause if you do, you going to jail. You going to jail.”
6. Courtney
The Problem: Groom’s family doesn’t want to play Clue.
The Solution: Pound walls and scream.
Choice quotes from the bride: “It’s infuriating that your family is so stupid!” and “Nobody’s gonna play because they’re all gonna sit there and not get up off their fat asses and go find the murder weapon!”
7. Danika
The Problem: The Bagpiper hasn’t shown up!
The Solution: Crying.
Choice quote from the bride: “I wanted my bagpiper so bad… (inaudible, devolves into sniffles and snot)”
8. Erica
The Problem: Bride’s sister wants to do her homework on the night before the wedding. The audacity.
The Solution: Bride throws sister’s backpack in the garbage.
Choice quote from the bride: “She wanted to go in her room and think that was it, so I jacked her booksack and threw it in the garbage can outside.”
9. Porsha Returns
The Problem: Bridesmaids are improperly attired for fitting (in Bride’s opinion).
The Solution: Sarcasm, expletives.
Choice quote from the bride: “You got the girdle? …Bitch, you know what a f*cking fitting is!”
As you can guess, it was nearly impossible to narrow the meltdowns to 9, so please, feel free to share your favorites below…
